The Habits of A Grown Man

Reading Time: 9 minutes

So last week we talked about the habits of a grown boy and we talked about what these habits are and why they don’t mean that they are men. So if I have talked about the habits of a grown boy what are the habits of a grown man? 

Men are people that boys aspire to be and many times they like to pretend they are. Often you will hear boys walk around claiming they are Alpha Males and other such nonsense as that. This is because they are told that this is what it means to be an adult. Yet this doesn’t show whether a  male is a grown boy or a grown man. 

I have seen many grown boys who claim they are alpha males and then turn around and head to their place at their parent’s house. More than once that alpha male points a finger at other people’s shortcomings and fails to see the three other fingers pointed back at them. I have seen responsibility dodgers in raising their kids. So being an alpha male doesn’t make you a grown man. Yeah, it sounds impressive and that is why grown boys flock to that moniker because it sounds cool. 

This doesn’t leave the beta or any other type of male out either. Those who sit and wish they were alpha but claim they are beta are just as bad. Except they use the beta classification so they can wave it around to indicate they are a victim. Then they become frustrated because nobody will stop and coddle them. Instead of trying fancy names for yourself, pick up a habit that will show the world you are a man and not that you wish you were a grown man.

Why are there so few Grown men?

That is the question of all questions. This could be for several reasons. Technological advancements have allowed men to go to work with relative safety. Work for the majority of men is considered safe and free of dragons. Then they get home and they sit and watch Television.

Men need certain elements in their life; the need for controlled violence for one. This is why so many men like to watch football and other sports, watching action movies, and the like. 

Men need opportunities to get out of their comfort zone and sadly we listen to our inner boy way too often and we don’t go towards the discomfort. They would rather sit on a couch watching NetFlix and doing nothing. These men then sit around and wonder why their life isn’t great. They wish for some excitement in their life. Instead of taking the bull by the horns they socially castrate themselves and become grown boys.

Men have a set of habits that they strive to do every day. They may not achieve it but even that is OK in the grand scheme of things because they will use that failure to become even better. They don’t sit and wait for life to present itself, they make their life because of these habits listed below.

Grown Men Provide

Men are producers and providers. They know that they can’t do that by living in the basement of mom and dad. So they know when they can they have to step out into the scary world and make their way. 

Men understand that it isn’t easy and it isn’t perfect. Men get that they will mess up as they learn. They will fail and fail and fail again till they learn the lesson needed to get to the next level. 

Men don’t rely on their wives to provide for them. Yeah, their wives may work but they must produce results too. Even if you are a stay-at-home dad you are busy building something that will contribute to the family. You know that if you are sitting on the couch getting stoned all day, while the wife is out slaying the dragons then you shouldn’t be surprised if one day she says she is tired of your lazy ass and leaves. 

Women want men who provide. Therefore, if you want to be a man in your wife’s eyes, you need to be contributing to the family somehow. 

Photo by Ave Calvar on Unsplash

Men adapt

Men do not expect everyone to like them. They know it is futile to even try. We may try to persuade a person to change a thought, or we will try to find a way to motivate our wife to take her health more seriously. Yet it can’t, men don’t throw a fit because the person doesn’t want to do what they are doing. Instead, they try a different approach. We explore the scenario and see if there is a way to convince a person to change. If they don’t then we accept that they will not change.

Men accept that people have their agency. That free will allows for people to do stuff the hard way and men accept that you sometimes have to wait for the person to have a headache before they decide to try the door.

Now, this doesn’t mean a man is incapable of losing his temper. No, men are human, we have emotions, and the wrong one’s flair up from time to time. Men do get pissed but they aren’t going to hold a grudge. There is more important stuff to do in the day than to let someone who doesn’t want to listen take up their time.

Men Seek Their Own Approval

While boys are working their buts off on the unproductive activity of trying to make everyone like them. Men make sure that they are proud of their work. If their wife, kids, and those who matter to them are also proud of their work that is just icing on the cake.

Men seek first their approval. If they are doing something that is not in alignment with their core values. They will not throw their values overboard. They will stick to their values. IF a person doesn’t like what a grown man stands for the response will likely be well that is your problem. The grown man isn’t seeking your approval, he is seeking his own.

If he can rest his head at the end of the day and say he had a good day that is a mission accomplished. He isn’t going to spend his day wasted worrying about that random person who doesn’t like his idea or path.

Is that being selfish? Yeah to a point it is and there is nothing wrong with looking out for yourself. Grown men will not sacrifice themselves for the acceptance of others. Boys on the other hand will sacrifice all that they have just to be liked.

Photo by Blake Weyland on Unsplash

Men State Their Intentions

There are 4 different ways to communicate. There is the passive, the aggressive, the passive-aggressive, and the assertive. Boys use some form the first three while men use the Fourth. They are assertive in their communication style

While boys will hymn and haw over what to do. The grown boys are often trying to be the nice guy and in doing so they don’t share their ideas and thoughts. They don’t contribute to the relationship. They want the woman they are married to or dating to decide where they are going and it becomes a 2-hour affair of trying to figure out where to eat. While the man will ask where do you want to eat? If the woman says I don’t know you choose Boom! off to the restaurant of his choice.

In other relationships, this works the same way if something isn’t going right the man will express his thoughts. Not as a form of griping but he will express his concerns and if he needs guidance a grown man will ask. Men speak plainly. They say what is on their mind and carry on. They again don’t worry about who’s feeling they are going to hurt because that isn’t their responsibility. They have a job to do and it will get done.

Grown Men Seek Knowledge, Guidance, and Learn

Grown men know that they don’t know it all. So, they will seek out the knowledge. They may join a civic group or even a men’s group. They have no problems saying they don’t know. The best men have the motto of, “I don’t know, Let’s find out”

There is no problem getting dirty. If the plan doesn’t work out. OK, we now know a way that doesn’t get us the results we want. So they try a different route. Yeah, there are emotions involved but they don’t let those emotions get in the way of the learning.

Men will seek out teachers and coaches to help them learn how to reach their desires. They are willing to spend money with the knowledge that they have to apply the work learned to earn that money plus more back.

Men also take knowledge from books. They don’t just read non-fiction they dive into the lives of other successful people. They read biographies, and look at history, philosophy, and read books on subjects that they are passionate about.

Men rely on work and the learning process

With men learning they know that they can not rely on talent. Natural talent will only get them so far and then the work begins. You have to hone your natural talent and even then you don’t rely on it. Men don’t have a fixed mindset, or if they find they have a fixed mindset they find ways to change that mindset so that they can keep on their path.

Men work with a growth mindset. This is where they learn as they explore. They try something. it fails, so they try something else. They know where they want to be, they just have to find the path. That can be painful, but it can also be richly rewarding in arriving at your destination. Be OK with failing. Because those are lessons learned.

Photo by Yury Kim from Pexels

Men Respond to Outcomes

If something doesn’t go the way a grown man wants it to, he doesn’t blow up. He doesn’t blame others. He doesn’t simply give up. A grown man will look at what happened, see why it failed, and then adjust. 

Men don’t get excited and slam stuff around. They don’t throw temper tantrums just because it didn’t go the way they wanted. Men respond to a situation. They don’t react with emotions. This doesn’t mean that they don’t have emotions, they just choose to express those emotions at a proper time.

Grown Men Control Their Emotions

As stated before a grown man will control his emotions. He may actively seek out ways to domesticate his emotions so that they can be used as a force. Their emotions are tools as everything else in a man’s life. 

Now, this is a struggle all men will have their whole life but they are always striving to have a better handle of whether they respond or react to a situation. If they respond poorly they do the next habit of a Grown Man.

Men Own Their Dirt

If you screw up who do you blame? Is it someone out of the room or do you point the accusatory finger at someone in the room? If you are a grown man you point the finger at yourself. You take the responsibility for the results going wrong. 

Grown men are not victims, they accept responsibility for their actions. They know that there is risk in trying something new and if it doesn’t work? A grown man will acknowledge where he messed up at. Then he will make the needed changes to his plan to rectify that problem.

This also if a grown man has people working under him he still takes responsibility, for not properly training or something to that effect. Yet if the project is successful a grown man has no problem sharing the success on the team underneath him.

Image by andreas160578 from Pixabay

Men Examine a Problem and They Adapt 

Instead of blaming men like to figure out where their plan went awry. Men will noodle with the issue at hand till they find a solution. As before they don’t blame other people for the hardships. If a man sees that he is deficient in any area needed to complete his task. A grown man will seek out others to show him how to grow and develop that skill.

Men are not set in stone; they are malleable and will adapt to what is needed of them. They will not sit and complain about the change. Men will make the needed changes. Grown men know that it will not be easy and don’t worry so much about that because they rely on the hard work and not their talent. Men adapt and become better; they don’t sit down and cry about it.

Men Seek Out the Better

While boys may be comfortable in their present surroundings and settle in doing so. Men like to press on. They do enjoy the comforts of success but they don’t settle. Men push themselves and their friends to reach for the better part in themselves.

Men read and grow. They exercise and stay strong and ready. They learn from others and they learn from all their experiences. Men seek to become better not for better to just come along and hand them a better life. Men seek out that better life, they don’t settle for the low-hanging fruit they pursue the best life they can. Men build that life. Through the hard work and dedication that it takes to get there.

Image by Gerhard G. from Pixabay

Accept What They can Control

Much like people, outside forces can’t be controlled. Men don’t try to make people happy. They allow people to experience whatever they want to experience. 

Now they may encourage their friend to see the brighter side of an experience. Men understand that defeat is bittersweet in that they get stronger from the experience. That experience still sting because they didn’t get that brass ring.

As long as men will stand back up after getting knocked back down they are still in the fight. Men will go after their dream till they have either exhausted every possible avenue to explore or they reach their goals.  

Men accept that there are obstacles in their way. Those obstacles are good for testing their skills and grow stronger. They have no say in what is in their way only that they accept that it is in the way. They don’t try to control other people and they know that they can’t control how other people feel. So a man isn’t going to waste his energy on the impossible.

Men do Great Things. 

From sailing around the world to finding cures for diseases men do incredible things when they put their mind to it. Men make great accomplishments while boys make big lofty dreams that will never be realized. The reason why men can do great things is that they apply these habits in their day-to-day life. Yeah, they may relax from time to time but they don’t embrace comfort as a boy would. 

Men seek adventure that could be making them successful or it could lead to their ruin. They don’t know. Even the ruin isn’t so bad because men know they aren’t starting from scratch they are starting from experience. So they can go at it again with what they know and get to where they were faster than the first time.

Are you a boy wanting to grow up and become a man of adventure and success or are you just pleased with sitting on your couch criticizing those doing the work you wish you could do? Want to change that? You can change, your inner boy won’t like it. It won’t be easy but it will be worth it. Look at the Brotherhood of Men or Coaching package set just for you. Now go out and be a man.

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About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

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