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You Can Change If You Want To

Reading Time: 4 minutes

It is actually sad to see how many people actually believe they are set in their ways. They can’t change and therefore these folks are not about to try to change. That thought is just that, a thought. It isn’t the truth it is just what people what to think is the truth because they don’t want to change.

Well, this week the topic is you don’t have to believe the lies you tell yourself. One of the biggest lies men tells themselves is when they are faced with a need for a change. They may half-heartedly try to do a change and because they approached the obstacle with such trepidation and not believing that they are able to change.

Old Dog New Tricks

Yes, we have that old saying about not being able to teach an old dog new tricks. Yet interestingly enough dogs do learn new tricks. Now I get what the saying is meaning. Some people are just set in their ways and they do not want to change. That is fine if their “way” is serving them. Yet many times people find themselves set in their ways and they are doing nothing more than complaining about their situation. They are dead set that the world is out to get them. Businesses are only out to take advantage of the little people, and the poor can’t catch a break.

All of those are actually utter garbage, and many people find new ways to change their point of view. Those people who are set in their ways often find new freedom and contentment when they take the time to learn a new way to approach life. Especially when they learn that the world really doesn’t care about them and so why would it be out to ruin them? Businesses wouldn’t be able to stay in business if they cheated their customers out of their money. Does it happen sometimes? Yes, and they are then running out of town or go out of business because nobody is willing to trade their money. 

closeup photo of brown and black dog face
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We often make up stories in our minds about the different circumstances we are currently in. Yes, these circumstances can seem endless and out of your control yet, that is simply not the case.

Why you are able to change.

You are able to change now the how isn’t as easy as just doing. It does take work. You have to pay attention to what you are telling yourself. You have to see how you are treating yourself. That is because your mind is a lot like a computer. 

You have a lot of old programming in your past that you look back on. You take what has happened to you and you weave a story behind it. You may tell yourself that you are horrible at talking to other people, or you may tell yourself that you are the life of the party. Is it true? Well in your mind it is. In all reality, you can be the life of the part if you are an introvert. You can be as outgoing or fearless in your endeavors if you are willing to change the old programming you have set up in your head.

That dream of yours to be a writer is still there. No matter if your uncle told you you would never make it. You may have believed him at first, and you still find yourself thinking of writing that great American novel. You will have to air out that old dream that has been tucked away in you in the back of your mind since you were 15 but it is still there. A dim ember waiting for just the right time to flame back into life.

How do you change?

The process of changing isn’t easy but it is possible. You have to start paying attention to the lies you have told yourself. Those beliefs are just that beliefs, and beliefs are just thoughts you perceive to be true.

To make a change start by paying attention to what you are telling yourself. Are you saying to are dumb, or you cant talk yourself out of a paper bag? If that is the case then When you catch yourself saying

crop ethnic man in park
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Visualize what it would be like to be you as you would like to be. If you are wanting to be a writer, what would that be like? If you wanted to be a scriptwriter, what would that be like? Maybe you wanted to have your own business where you are talking in front of 1000 people at a time. What would that be like? 

Would you be excited, would you be elated, exhilarated? Would you be scared? What would you talk about? Who would you be speaking for? Get as detailed as possible. This will help with the why as you start to make the challenging climb to the new you.

Be easy on yourself.

There are times that you are going to fail and you will slide back. If that is the case don’t beat yourself up too much over it. Even if it is a rookie mistake. We all goof up at times, the key is to be gentle with yourself. Don’t berate yourself because you are just reaffirming all the bad thoughts you have had. 

Affirm your reason why

Remember to remind yourself why you are wanting to make the change. You will fight yourself at first but as you start changing the programming in your thinking the fights will become lighter and lighter. You want to be consistent in encouraging yourself. 

pensive ethnic man listening to answer in paper cup phone
Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Get Help

Maybe you have a band of brothers who you meet with and talk to on a very regular basis. If that is the case then let them know what your plans are. They can help be your cheer squad and won’t let you crawfish back into your old ways. If you don’t have a band of brothers then you might look for a men’s group at a church or even online. 

The Brotherhood of Men is on a group that will do just that. They will push you to be better and hold you accountable for those times you let yourself down, and they will become dear friends who you can turn to in a pinch. Now, this isn’t a complete list as to how to change but it is a start. You can start looking at what you do and if you need help you can reach out and I would like to help where I can.

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About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

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