These days, you look out among society and you will see a whole lot of grown boys walking around complaining. Talking about how life isn’t fair. Why do they have to start in the mailroom even though they have a degree in ethnic studies? They sit, whine moan and groan about the injustices of the world. They look around and wonder why they don’t have an executive office just because they have 47 piercings on their face and 3 face tattoos.
These are the males of the species who by law are considered an adult but In all reality, they are still boys. There are 30-year-old men, who feel they are entitled to continue to live with their parents, instead of making a life for themselves. There are simply put way too many grown-ass boys walking around society these days.
Who is to blame?
Is there a person or a group to blame for raising a bunch of grown boys? Yes Sadly, I have to point the finger at my generation. That is the Gen Xers. We in general did a horrible job of making sure our kids were self-reliant. We played into all the fears we had of the Karens of the world were going to report us because we hold our 5-year-olds hands as they played in their backyard.
Instead, we got the title of the helicopter parent. We made sure little Bobby was in 14 different activities. He was in every type of league there was out of fear of what? That he was going to be bored? He was going to get into trouble? That Bobby was don’t going to be emotionally developed? Well, he isn’t emotionally developed now so as you can see we didn’t help the situation at all. We were running around clutching our pearls because the kid on the next block over had a jar of peanut butter and you just knew that your dear darling baby boy was allergic.
Little Bobbie didn’t get an A in class who did we blame? It wasn’t Bobby, we pointed the finger at the teachers. We raised a bunch of soft boys without their fathers in the house. We as a whole are to blame. Gen X, these grown boys are our doing. Stand up and take your reward we overdid it. Much as we did in our fashion sense we took things to the extremes but this time, not for the better. So now that I have that out of the way what is the damage?
What is a Grown Boy
Grown boys can be described in many different ways. Yet I don’t want this to be an online book so I will give 14 different traits of a grown boy. As I said this isn’t an exhaustive list just ones that I pulled off of the top of my head.
Grown Boys consume
Boys want this or that. They only consume without contributing back. This means living with their parents and complain if they have to pay rent or have to provide their food. They see it as unreasonable that they have to chip in for any expenses. If they do work the meager money they do make is only for their gain.
These boys will find as many different excuses as to why they can’t be providers. They see the world as their playground they want all the benefits without earning the right to those benefits.
The grown boy is also a moocher. I know a lot about this because for a while I was just this very being. I worked and still didn’t have money because I was living way beyond my means. They borrow and never repay. The guys are just consumers with a different approach.
Grown Boys are Manipulators
To get out of doing the hard work the grown boy will find ways to manipulate those around them. This comes in the way of being a people pleaser. They work their hardest to make people like them. They end up getting so wrapped up in trying to please everybody that eventually people will see through the fake facade
Grown Boys Look For Approval
If they can’t do something to get another person’s approval they simply won’t do it. A grown boy will not try something even remotely out of their comfort zone without having a cheer squad there to tell them how great they are.
Maybe it is from them having to have their mom by their sides at all times telling them how wonderful they are. Yet when they get into the real world they don’t know how to psych themselves up.
They simply can’t tell themselves they are mommy’s little trooper and that gets them going. No, they are not able to pump themselves up. The need to face the discomfort to be mature and grown is repugnant to boys. So to face that unpleasant event the man-child has to have his entourage with him telling him how he can do it.
Grown Boys ask permission
How many men do you know that won’t do anything without asking their wife or girlfriend for permission to do something? I have known a few. Heck, I was one of these guys. It almost destroyed my marriage. While my growing up caused some discomfort with both of us, because I was used to not having to think on their own and the other, though resentful that I wasn’t controllable anymore, had to also adjust.
Boys are taught to ask permission all while growing up. From the age of 2, they are asking if they can even go to the bathroom. They need the approval of their spouse in everything they do. Instead of making a decision and going for it. The wife often does sort of like this type of control but it eventually causes her to resent the boy who she married.
Now when I talk about asking permission That doesn’t mean you obliterate all her plans. You are making sure that she doesn’t have anything planned on a camping trip weekend. So you are coordinating with her. Are you going on a trip? Yeah but you are not walking to your wife and asking her permission to go out with the guys. The boy will feel obligated to ask because he has to have the approval of those around him. He is also not able to provide his own will power he has to consume someone elses.
Grown Boys Have Others Do the Thinking
Boys dont come up with their own thoughts. They look to others for ideas. WHere do you want to eat? Oh I dont care where ever you would like to go. They may secretly wish to have a big burger from the diner down the street but they wont suggest it because the wife says she doesn’t like it. So the couple with a grown boy almost argue over who is going to decide.
As being people pleasers, boys will not have their own thought. That is because out of fear that they may upset someone in their circle. The lack of boldness in their actions and expressing their thoughts is what keeps them as boys. They fear so much, what if my thought is wrong? What if my wife doesn’t like my idea? A boy doesn’t know how to handle that type of uncertainty.
Grown Boys Think They Have It All Figured Out
Look at any teenager they have it all figured out. The confidence is amazing but yet the boy doesn’t react well to life when it doesn’t go their way. Since they have it all figured out they dont listen to the warning of those who have gone before them. Thinking parents are just not that smart is one great example of this. They dont have the epiphaney that their parents might actually have a clue about life till they are about 26 after they have ran into all the possible walls.
Often they dont head the warning s that there maybe dragons ahead, instead they try something and then cry about how it wasn’t fair that nobody warned them that their plan wasn’t going to work. They had it all figured out and it was somebodies else fault that they failed. Boys will not listen to reason because they have got it. They know.
Grown Boys Rely on Talent
When it comes to boys they are often stuck in the fixed mindset. THey rely on their knowledge and talent and the moment it stops being easy for them they give it up. That wall they hit causes them to start talking about how either they are just no good or that activity is stupid and they dont progress any further.
Boys Dream but Don’t Pursue
How many times have you had your daughter show up with a new boyfriend and you hear her say he is great because he is such a dreamer. If you haven’t yet, just wait. Dreamers are a dime a dozen.
Yeah, that dreaming is good, but the problem is if you dont dream and then pursue that dream what good is it. To be labled a dreamer is actually an insult. It is easy to dream but to go on the adventure of achieving that dream is where real fulfillment will take place.
Yet the work of going after that dream is tough. Then you have to worry about what other people will think. They may criticize the boy for doing something that causes painful memories of someone else why has failed to go after their dream. So a boy is too afraid of losing their cheer squad and may have to go out of their comfort zone alone for a while. Boys won’t do that without the permission and approval of others.
Boys Can’t Control Their Emotional State
This is so evident these days. You have grown boys who can’t handle s simple disagreement. They come across someone that doesn’t agree with them and boom they start yelling and throwing a temper tantrum. They may need a safe space or some other tool to help them calm down. The boy will be worried about saying words that may offend a stranger and so they are an anxious wretch because they are always trying to appease others.
They have a hard time handling their emotional state. They want to live an eternal state of bliss and when a negative emotion happens along they can’t stand the discomfort of that emotion. So they seek out drugs or alcohol as a means to buffer their emotions.
Grown Boys Blame Others
When it comes to boys trying and the project doesn’t work they instantly start blaming others for their problems because it simply couldn’t be mommy’s dear baby boy. Boys will not take responsibility for their part in their situation. They will blame faceless corporations or some other boogyman for holding them back. Their problems are not their fault. They did everything their friends said would work. They had it all figured out yet it didn’t pan out as they planned.
You may have met a grown boy at work they are tasked with a project and they don’t get it done. So, they produce a whole litany of reasons why they couldn’t complete the task. Never once is the reason that they avoided doing the work.
Boys will not own their dirt. Even though they may have demanded that they are the ones in control. Yet they pass the blame and play the victim to some circumstance they didn’t foresee. They avoid the opportunity of learning something by thinking that they know it all and then cry victim when their world comes crashing down.
Grown Boys Simply Whine
Boys don’t like to put in the work for what they want. That means they have to contribute and produce results. It is far easier for them to sit with people who will not hold them accountable and whine about how unfair life is. They will bitch moan and groan about the difficulties they have in life. Yet they will not lift a finger to change their situation.
They will be quick to criticize the shortcomings of others and then deem it unfair for the criticization coming their way. It is easier to whine and complain than to grow and boys will stay boys as long as they keep that habit up.
Boys Don’t care to get better
How many of you still read? Many boys won’t crack a book as soon as they leave school, or they only read fiction. Now fiction is good but boys don’t care about making themselves better. If they are pushed they push back. They don’t want to experience the discomfort of goofing up as they try to improve. They see themselves as an adult and so they don’t need to continue getting better. This is one of the glaring pieces of evidence that someone is still hanging on to being a boy. They see learning as unnecessary and will openly mock those who are trying to better themselves.
When it comes to something unexpected you can really tell the difference between a boy and a man. Boys react to a situation while men respond. Yes, there is a difference and it all centers around what is the key element is the element thought or emotion.
Boys use emotion as the reason to respond because remember they can’t control their emotional state so they will rage quit on a game that’s not going their way. They blame others because it couldn’t possibly be them.
So boys always react to a situation with emotions because if they responded to a situation they would have applied thought before they acted.
Boys Dream of Being Great
Boys will sit there and think that life is going to be better here soon. They make comments like someday I’m gonna ____. One day I am going to take the family on a great vacation. When I have enough money I am going to leave this jerk boss high and dry. Do you see the problem with these statements?
There is no someday in the days of the week. There is nothing definite about what they are dreaming. This is on purpose so when it doesn’t happen it can’t be their fault. It was just not meant to be. Boys dream big dreams but they will not pursue them. If they do they may actually achieve them and then what?
Now it may look like I was taking a huge dump over all these adults who are immature and still act like little boys. Yeah, I am, I want to make them a little uncomfortable in seeing themselves. I want them to know that it may be comfortable being a boy, but their wife doesn’t like it. Being a boy is one of the reasons you aren’t getting laid as often as you would like. Being a boy is why you can’t get a good woman. It is actually why you are stuck in a dead-end job. You keep getting passed over on promotions.
There is a time in your life that you have to put the bong down and go forth and be a man. Next week is the second half of this series and we will be talking about the habits of being a man. Here is a hint Take all that I said here and do the opposite. If you are tired of being a boy and you want to start your journey into manhood. REach out and see about joining The Brotherhood of Men.