Remember when your son was firstborn? I remember when my son, when he let out his first war cry. Do you remember all the hopes, dreams and aspirations you had of the relationship you were going to have with him? You were going to take him out camping and hunting. His love of fishing was going to rival your passions. The thoughts of how you were going to be the best and most caring father. YOu were going to show him all the love he could ever need.
Now let’s fast forward to today. Your son is now 15 years old. He has become so dark in his mood. Nothing as he was when he was your little man who would squeal out dad and run at you full blast jumping to you knowing that you were going to catch him. It has only been 10 years since those times. What changed?
You feel the thought of being your son’s guide in life drifting away from a little more with each school year. You try talking to him and you are excited if you get more than a grunt. He appears to be so angry and frustrated. Isn’t that normal? I mean if you are like me I couldn’t wait to blow that one-horse town I grew up in. So maybe your son is just the same as you. He wants to get his life started. Then again could it be something else? Why the withdrawing? He knows what you think of drugs but you have found the bong and his stash of weed.
Where did you go wrong? How did you lose sight of your son in the years leading up to now? You were just at work. Maybe you drive a truck and you had to watch him grow up from the cab. Either way, you sense that the son you raised is still there in that young man’s body. Yet The attitude and rebellion is not your son. You have no influence over him anymore. You have no connection to him. The radio is on but nobody’s listening.
You want to blame his loser friends that he is hanging out with. Yet if you do that you know you will just drive him to them even more. You have tried yelling, pleading, Griping, grounding, and much more to little or no effect. You have lost that connection with your son; it was so subtle you are not fully sure as to when it happened yet there it is. You try to give advice and it falls on deaf ears.
Don’t Ignore It
The teenage years are a trying time not only for the teen but for the parents too. ITis a time for the grown-ups to make a hard shift in our thinking of our kids. We have to shift from looking at raising our teen to start taking on a mentoring role. Yet those old habits and mindsets are so hard to change. Yet, we have to make the needed changes. We have to learn just as much as our son. Sometimes our lessons can be just as challenging.
If we don’t make the changes we often are faced with we may be handing our son over to people who will make him feel recognized and wanted. He could keep on the road to rebellion and could find trouble with the law. He could take on the values of somebody who is in direct opposites of your values. He could be taking life advice from people who have a scarcity mindset. Your son could be taking advice from someone who thinks you don’t have to work to get what you want or you should drown your life’s pain with alcohol or something harder.
I was in that Boat
I was in that boat. I have always been a slow learner. The more I tried to be the parent the more he went to people who had what I saw as little to no morals. I did the grounding, the screaming, the late nights waiting for him to come back home after sneaking out. My son was doing so much to scream in my face saying LOOK AT ME!
Yet I was in the mindset that I was the parent. Yeah, I was the parent not the mentor I needed to be. I had so many limiting beliefs about what it meant to be a parent. After my son moved out the day he graduated I was sure he was never going to talk to me again. I was drowning in the victim mindset. I saw what they meant by hindsight was 20/20. I now understood what many of the parenting courses I tried taking were trying to tell me. Thankfully, It wasn’t too late. Even if your son has moved out it’s not too late to build that connection. I then had that mindset shift. I saw what I had done wrong, How fear and mindset was pushing my son away.
Our sons want to make a difference they want to know they can affect their world. We told them all while growing up they can be anything they want but then started telling them who they were. We pushed them to do stuff out of our ego and failed to hear them say they didn’t want that. Yet in all of our vast experience we still didn’t hear.
You can still connect with your son. Even if he is 45 years old. It is only too late when life ends. You can connect with your son. You can still guide him and mentor him as he would like for you too.
There is a Solution
Yes, I am saying you can have your relationship with your son back. If he is 15 and just starting to explore the different possibilities. You can guide him through the uncertainty of high school you can mentor him in being confident in who he is. Your son needs you even if you are driving over the road. You can have your son come to you for answers, even if you don’t have them at that moment. You can bond over discovering the solutions. He can become confident and strong. You can show him that he is a natural leader. You can help change that fixed mindset to one of growth. If he thinks that he doesn’t have enough you can show him all the abundance in his life. You being his dad can teach him to have the curiosity one needs to enjoy life. How To handle the downs and be able to celebrate failure as a step towards what he is wanting.
I can show you how to do this by changing how you look at life. Together we can bust through the limiting beliefs you have in your world so that you can help your son become the leader you dreamed of him being. I can help you discover how playing small does you and your son a huge disservice. Staying comfortable doesn’t encourage either of you to grow.
I can reveal to you how your son is living out your narrative and how you are, in fact, doing the same. You can help you sone to achieve the goals he wants by achieving the goals you are after. You can recapture the relationship you have with him and make it so much stronger. You can live by example and show him how a marriage is supposed to be lived.
Are we a Fit?
Sign up for a free 1 hour discovery call. Here We will look at what you are facing and what you are wanting to accomplish. This will help me develop a plan so you can reach those goals. So you are able to get to where you are wanting to be faster.If we are a good fit for them I can help you squash the learning curve on how to change your mindset and alter the habits that hold you back. We will work in 3 month blocks.
It won’t be easy but if it is for your son then I am sure it will be worth it. You won’t be able to dodge the hard work nor will you be able to put it off till later. I will be your personal accountability partner as you make some of the largest strides on improving yourself and your relationship with your son.
We will find out how to have deeper conversations with your son, your wife, and your friends. You may even start working towards some dreams you thought were gone. To change your son you have to change yourself first. Are you willing to do that type of work?
If you are ready to be the dad your son is needing. Then set a time to talk. Your son is worth the hour and worth time, money, and effort you are about to put in. I have packages that range from $1500 up to 25,000. Schedule a call. Because your destiny is shaped by the decisions you make.