Are you a nice guy? Sure we all like to think we are.but are you a real nice guy? I mean the guy who is often friend zoned if you are single. Are you the guy who is always passed up for the job promotion. Though you work hard and are always helping out other folks in your department, The arrogant jerk in the office has received the new position being filled. Are you that nice guy?
Why do nice guys finish last? It isn’t fair right. You ben over backward to make sure everybody is happy and you show folks that you care. Yet nobody seems to care about you. It is simply not fair.
I remember when I was in the dating scene. I was often told I was too nice for a girl or that she thinks we should just be friends. It was that dreaded Friend Zone. What should a guy do? Start acting like the guys who you see as jerks and start calling girls horrible names? She doesn’t want me to be so nice. So does that mean you should smack her face? Well we know that isn’t really the case. Why do girls and bosses pass up the nice guy so often?
Why Nice Guys Finish Last
There are several reasons that men who are dating and men who are gainfully employed, are looked at as a nice guy and it gets them nowhere.
I remember I used to be pursuing a woman named Cinnamon, she was the hot girl in the office. During breaks, we would sit together and talk about all sorts of stuff. She would ask me to go grab a coke or a snack, and I gladly ran off and would shell out my meager coin for what she wanted. Sometimes giving up money for my beverage so she could have something to drink.
Cinnamon would often after the weekends talk about some guy she met, and gush about how they went out and had a wonderful time. She would talk about her sex life and all sort s of details. Then eventually she would show up one day looking horrible and I would find ou that her flavor of the month had been seen with another woman, or they had a horrible fight. She would let me know all the details of what was said and I would be there helping pick up the shattered pieces of her love life. Only a couple of weeks later, the cycle would start all over. I asked once if she would like to go out and I got the friend-zoned instantly. Why was that? I tried to show her that I cared and listened to her adventures and escapades. Yet I wasn’t even given the opportunity to show her that a nice guy could treat her better. The reason why I was a nice guy.
The reason nice guys finish last is actually quite easy and straight forward. It’s not because they want someone who degrades them and runs around behind their back. Women want the same thing an employer wants in managerial terms.
Nice Guys = People Pleaser
Nice guys are often people pleasers. People pleasers are manipulators and liars. They lie not only to other people but to themselves. The people-pleaser may say that they are happy to take on a task but it really isn’t for the reason they claim. They are often wanting to get people to like them for what they do for others are rarely for themselves.
People pleasers will agree to anything just as long as they are able to get people to like them. Even at the cost of their credibility often lack integrity. These people find it hard to say no and will sacrifice themselves all for the sake of manipulating people.
When someone rejects a people pleaser, the nice guy will take it personally. They wonder what they did wrong. They will change their mind on a stance just to get someone to like them.
They cant take charge
Nice guys also won’t take charge of a situation that comes about. This has a lot to do with the people-pleasing aspect. If they take charge of a project or a situation they know that there will be some people who are going to not like them.
So because of that they will stand in the background and wish they had the opportunity to lead. Nice guys wish they could take the helm of a project but if they do their people-pleasing nature gets in their way so they end up being wishy-washy. They lack the spin or fortitude to really make the needed choices on a project. They will have to be the dreaded jerk to get stuff done. So Nice guys cant take charge.
Lack of respect
When it comes to having respect a nice guy will toss their respect right out the window. Again because they are people pleasers. You cant respect a guy who will lay down or change their minds.
You have to have some fortitude to build respect. Without respect, you won’t have the woman of your dreams nor a boss look at you favorably. You cant have respect if you are bending to everybody will at the snap of their fingers
Nice Guys are Boring
If you are not able to take charge of a situation, you can’t be spontaneous. That adventure in life is one thing the women you are dating are after. They want you to make a sudden decision and take them to someplace new. Go to a new restaurant and order for them. Doing so isn’t being a jerk you are taking charge. Being spontaneous and slightly unpredictable allows for you to be fun. Are you a judgmental jerk or are you an adventurous soul that can keep a relationship lively?
If you are a nice guy who is too busy trying to make people like you, then you are too busy playing life safe. You will miss the opportunities to be fun. Being a stiff suit isn’t fun nor is it exciting. While those bad boys who are getting the girls are offering the excitement and adventure they crave. So be Bold. Be daring, if you want your boss to notice you. Are you willing to think out of the box? Can you sacrifice an egg or two for the amazing omelet, or will you keep thinking and acting small?
What do they stand for?
Nice guys also have a problem taking a stand. This is because of their people-pleasing nature. Nice guys cant stand for something. Look at George McFly in Back to the future. He was a wimp and a nice guy. He was going to let Biff have his way with his future Lorraine. He won her back after he took a stand and stopped being the pushover.
You have to take a stand. Doing so builds the integrity you need to get the girl you are pursuing. The boss wants to know that his business is in good hands. A person with integrity is the only way he can know for sure.
So, find out what you stand for, then make sure you hold those lines. Is it truth? Then you will have to be honest and let your girl know when she isn’t looking her best. Perhaps the boss’s pet project is not going to work and you see why. Then you will have to have the ability to tell him and accept whatever consequences come from that honest discussion.
Nice Guys Communicate Passively
Nice guys often do not have a good form of communication. Most nice guys will talk in a very passive form. This is the fastest way to drive a woman away from you. Talking in a passive form is just weak. You don’t have the foundation to speak up in a matter of authority when you are talking in a passive form.
Passive speakers lack the respect they want. They are often afraid of what people will think of them, again this is that people pleaser getting in the way.
This doesn’t mean you are to start talking in a passive-aggressive manner either. Because these guys don’t have much more respect either. People take that form of communication as being weasely and a bit slimy. You are not going to get the woman of your dreams by being slimy.
You have to learn how to talk with authority. Again this is scary to people pleasers. Because of the passive communicator. The aggressive communicator and the passive-aggressive communicator are all drowned out when a man talks assertively.
So You Have To Be a Jerk?
No, the farthest thing from it. You have to change your mindset about your relationships with people. You have to stop being a people pleaser. You have to learn that not everybody is going to like you and be ok with their loss.
You can be the sweetest largest and best peach in all the world, yet still, you will find somebody who doesn’t like peaches.
You don’t have to be the asshole. Yet you have to be OK with people thinking that you are an asshole. Stop playing the small game. When you stop trying to please everybody you will start pleasing those who matter most in your life.
This doesn’t mean you are to be a brute. Strength isn’t the key. You can beat respect into people. You get more honorable people in your life when you have integrity and respect follows.
What Women and Your Boss Really Want
The answer is pretty straight forward when you sit down and think about it. They want to be assured that they are going to be taken care of. Women and bosses don’t want men who are going to be spineless yes men. They want men who will protect them and their honor. They want men who will take a stand for what they believe. Speak their minds when needed, not just mutter and whine about not being heard.
They want men who will provide the needed leadership and vision to take the controls when needed. That isn’t being a jerk. With the right mindset, you will provide help to the people looking to you.
The people looking to you are needing you to have confidence in yourself and in what you are doing. Being a nice guy shows others that you do not have that confidence. So you have to start knowing that you can change. Taking the time and effort to make the changes needed so that you are confident in what you do.
If you are needing how to learn how to talk to women, then you start talking to them. You will only build confidence in things that you are used to. You have to do a discomfort emersion exercise. Much like Jason Comely did. He decided to see how often he can get rejected. Because he took that time to do so, he found out that opportunities started to present itself to him.
When you get confidence and you have your values lined out you will start to build some respect. With your values and the confidence in yourself, you will have the integrity you are needing to have the respect you deserve. It isn’t what people give you it is what you can give to others. You can only receive respect from others when you help them. So you are being the nice guy you want to be but you aren’t a pushover. You stand for your core beliefs and you don’t compromise your values just because you want someone to like you.
The Opportunity to grow.
Women want not only an adventure but they want the opportunity to grow and be challenged. If you are a nice guy you are not going to provide that challenge. They want their beliefs to grow and become better and if you are just a little yes man you won’t be able to help them. So you have to give them the ability to grow.
You don’t do that just by sitting around. You also don’t force them to change you challenge them by making the changes to yourself. Are you willing to get better? Are you confident enough to ask them for help? Are you confident enough to know you are not perfect and you want to learn? If so then you will start challenging them by your very actions. That is leading by doing.
So to have that woman you want or the position you are after. You have to do a few things. First, stop being the nice guy. Find your backbone and stand your ground. Be ok and relish in people who challenge your stance. You might even look at as though they are there to make you stronger. They will teach you resilience in your standings.
Don’t be timid in your words. You can say things in a diplomatic fashion but it is often better if you don’t beat around the bush. Say what is on your mind and accept it some people will agree and others won’t. If you state your mind you will let people know where you stand.
Being a nice guy causes you to be last. But love and the positions you want are attainable if you change how your mindset. That mindset will help you grow and have real friends and a partner in life. So, get out there and start making a change if you need help and want to fast track your change you might look to one of the packages I offer. We can get started and in a few short months you might not even recognize yourself