responsibility versus victimhood

Want to be a Man? Stop Playing the Victim.

Reading Time: 7 minutes

Now I am going to step into this pool because, well I have seen this issue come up over and over and over again. I am seeing young men becoming lost. They are being assaulted by all sides. These young men have schools telling them they can’t be boys. They have groups that are beating them down just for being a male. So they try to bend and fight against who they are.

I see High schoolers and College boys who lose their identity all because a group of postmodernist have told them that their maleness is bad. Masculinity is bad. These “want to be men” have been browbeaten to the point that all they can do to be accepted into these groups is to be a victim alongside the others.

What is a victim? There are two types of victims there is the Todays Victim then there is the True Victim. So what is the difference?

Today’s Victim

The best way to define today’s victim is someone who has something happen to them that isn’t their fault. That sounds about right. Yes?

Well no, these are people who don’t take responsibility for their actions. They stand out in the middle of a street and then wonder why they get run over. These are people who all they want is sympathy. These people want you to feel bad for them for making a bad decision. It wasn’t their fault they chose poorly.

In reality, these people want to take the power to a guy’s natural leadership and they want it given to them without the right of earning the position. There are people who believe that they should be the rightful leader. Even though their actions show why nobody turns to them for leadership.

A leader who chooses to become a victim chains their hands and lets someone less deserving to be the leader.

A leader can’t be a victim. These positions are opposed to each other. A good leader takes responsibility. If you take responsibility for your actions then you are not able to be a victim. If someone is able to convince you to be a victim then you will abdicate your natural leadership and they are able to claim that position. The problem with that is these people often make terrible leaders because they are too busy blaming other people because they are a victim.

This is even more present in today’s misandry laced articles that pop up every few days. These articles talk about how women can’t trust men to not rape them.  These articles are set up to a) make the woman look like the victim. b) Make the man feel guilty and he becomes a victim of being a man.

In college, the definition of rape is changed. Sexual assault is not what you have been told. It now includes things like stealing a kiss of touching a shoulder. In all reality, I would say 99% of all men don’t rape. 99% of all men don’t want to rape and want women to like them. That one lowly percent that does rape are true low life scum.

But since young men have been told they are rapists and want nothing from a woman other than sex. Then yeah you start thinking you are the problem. But at the same time, you are a guy how do you combat that? What do you do? It’s not fair!

Men also join up and go to men bashing classes because of the fairer sex. They actually join the feminist classes so that they have a chance to show the girls they interested in that they can be “sensitive”. So they are told by authoritative teachers that men are scum. These guys already have low self-esteem, to begin with, and now it is driven even lower.

Why do men listen to people who are not men about being a man? I dare you to do that in the context of you being a guy and talking about women. You can rest assured that you will catch all nine levels of hell for generalizing.

Guys in college have a hard enough time trying to navigate this weird world and now they are told that they are horrible subhuman creature if they don’t choose a label for themselves. So they break down and try to stuff themselves into a square peg. When it doesn’t work, Surprise you have a victim. Give him all the material he needs to whine.

The sad part of this circle of self-deprecation is that nobody likes a victim. Not even the women the young man is trying to impress. If you become a whiny victim you are viewed as weak. Even if you are showing how “brave” and “strong” you are by going to some victim-centric cause.

A True Victim

A true victim is a person who has something horrible happen to them, and the results were completely out of their control. Cancer victims are true victims. Terror attack victim is a true victim. Being a man isn’t a victim. It is actually something to celebrate.

A true victim is a person who has something horrible happen to them, and the results were completely out of their control.Click To Tweet

How to not be a victim

The Best way is to take responsibility. If you were walking down a dark alley at night and you get robbed. You could play the victim or you could take responsibility that you were walking down a dark alley and you knew that robbery was a possibility.

If you get a girl pregnant you knew that was a possibility because you didn’t practice safe sex. 99% of all the bad things that happen to you is from your decisions. Man up and own your dirt. If you get caught doing something wrong admit it. Most of the times people are very forgiving and want a chance to be benevolent.

The Tale of Two Cities

Look at the People of Houston after Hurricane Harvey. These folks knew they lived in an area that is often hit by hurricanes. After the storm passed they got up accepted what happened and went to clean up the mess. People helped each other. The community as a whole banded together to start the repairing process. There were very few victim excuses being pulled.

While after Hurricane Katrina people stood around and play the victim. Waiting for someone to come by and take care of them. There was a lot of finger pointing as to why this happened instead of facing the fact that New Orleans is below sea level and nobody had been taking care of the levees as they were supposed to.

People will find you intimidating

Odd how that is. Yet they do. Because of the threat, they feel you have taken some type of control away from them. Therefore they will find the way of coercing you into giving up that control. Mostly by trying to guilt you into handing over that control over to them. Look at our president. Whether you like him or loathe him, everybody loved him till he was in power and then half of the country started trying to guilt trip and extort him into going their way.

A natural leader can't be a victim. They take responsibility for their actions. Victims on the other hand blame everybody else. Its not their fault they were walking in the bad part of town.

As a man, you have to be unapologetic about being a guy. You have equipment that is hanging between your legs so you don’t sit with your knees together unless it is very crowded. You sit with your knees apart. Yet there are feminists who don’t have the same excuse and play the victim card saying it ain’t fair and make up fake words, like “manspreading”

So get ready if you are willing to stop being a victim you will be thrown out of the pity party. When you are thrown out you can actually celebrate that you are an original person. You will actually start having a bit of confidence. Now you won’t be infallible. It is easy to be a victim. When you find yourself feeling sorry for yourself and you want to point fingers at someone. Remember that when you point a finger there are three more pointed back at you.

So take responsibility for what you chose. You will attract people who think like you. If they give you a bad feeling then leave them behind. Remember that people who manipulate are not out for your good. So you might look to a mastermind group of some sorts.

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One thing that is interesting is that when you take being a man and claim it. Accept you are a guy women will be attracted to your confidence. Even the feminist types of women are attracted to men who act like men. They can’t explain it but they are and it drives them batty. These feminists don’t know why they like the very thing they claim to not like. It is because average, on the street woman likes the sense of protection and comfort a normal ordinary run of the mill man provides. A guy who is playing the victim isn’t able to protect. He is too busy blaming other people.

What are guys supposed to do?

That’s the easy part embrace that you are a guy. Embrace you like women. You like looking at boobs and all that is womanly. Beauty is something to be admired. Complement a woman when she is looking elegant. That is why she dresses up. She wants to look nice and be complimented.

That’s the easy part embrace that you are a guy. Embrace you like women. You like looking at all that is womanly. Click To Tweet

Now that doesn’t mean she wants to go out with you. But she does want to attract the attention of the men in her vicinity. The same as guys want to attract women. So you see a woman who is stunning complement her, and then go on. Don’t stand there and leer at her. That makes a woman uncomfortable.  Don’t do the scumbag routine that is touted in a lot of the music these days. Tell her she looks nice.  The whole “Damn momma I would like to get all up in dat” is the worst line you could use.

In closing take responsibility. Know that you aren’t perfect. You will mess up. When you do screw up, own your dirt. Trying to hymn and haw your way out of responsibility just makes the matter worse. When you “Man Up” people respect you. You build confidence in yourself. With that, you receive more respect for being an upstanding person.

If you need help, I would recommend How to Win Friends and Influence People* by Dale Carnegie. He talks about how people like to have the ability to bestow grace on people. To do this you want to own up to your mistake. When you pass blame you take that persons power to be nice and helpful away.

So own up to what you have done whether it is a win or a major screw up. People respect those who are not victims while victims are only pitied.

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About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.


  1. I was raped before. It caused me to have suicidal thoughts. I attempted suicide once.
    I also felt like a victim for years. I became a drug addict, a prostitute, and a single mom at the age of 18.
    My life was a mess for a long time.
    I’m strong now, and I’m a survivor. I’m not a victim. I’m a speaker, a blogger, an entrepreneur, and… happy… for the first time in my life!
    I’m also an author, and I share my happiness strategies in a self-help book called FROM NOPE TO HOPE.

    Now, I use my past to motivate and inspire others. 🙂

    1. Very True! I am glad you were able to overcome the adversities you were faced with because you stopped being a victim. I hope you become wildly successful.
      And I just realized how rude I was by not acknowledging the horrible events that occurred in your life. It made you a stronger person who is able to help others overcome their struggles.

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