Mastering Your Buffers And Take Control of Your Habits

With the end of the year coming up, and our Focus coming to the new year it’s time for me to start talking about goals and ways that we can improve ourselves next year. now I understand a lot of people don’t do goals simply because they know they will fail.

It is okay to fail, year in and year out, It is Honorable to see you stand up and dust yourself off after failing yet again. However, discouragement is starting to build. More people are becoming more cynical. People are asking, “Why try?” You hear from people all the time that goals are to be completed, And as a whole that is true. but I want to change the goals that you want to achieve.

Yes, we have many different types of goals we have goals for the best life out there we have programs that are for people who want to get ahead in business. we have programs for people who want to have better relationships. we also have a lot of programs that get you healthier.

 I want to change how you look at a goal this year. Yes, goals are things that are meant to push you to show you what is actually possible in your world, however, I believe that we lost sight of that. 

A Different Focus

Many of us want to change something about ourselves. we don’t like that we are 40 lb overweight or that we are so discontent with our work. that we focus on what we don’t like. often we lean on our vices. they give us some satisfaction in life when things are not going according to plan.

I want to look at what small things in your life may be tripping you up. Yeah, they bring you some satisfaction but are they truly serving you? Most of us already know the answer when it comes to Vices comes to buffering they really don’t serve us in the way of making us better people. often our bad habits and vices are more akin to that low-quality friend who doesn’t want to change but stays poor, broke, and complains about their situation 

So what if we change the focus of I want to quit smoking or I want to quit drinking what if we change that to I want to master that which is holding me back? You’re not giving up drinking you just showing yourself that you do have it under control.

What is your obstacle?

So what is it that you do that you don’t believe is a big deal? Do you smoke or drink? How about eating? I know you eat, Do you do excessive snacking? how about smoking pot or other drugs? What if you mastered your control over a substance or a habit? what would that look like? 

What if you knew without a shadow of a doubt that you were able to just put cigarettes down? Are you okay with being bored? Could you handle not lighting up the first moment you sit in the car? I can let you know it is tough and the mind chatter can go off the charts.

However, knowing if you can control something or not, can tell you if you need to have it in your life or not. Maybe you actually have been lying to yourself in thinking you have full control over a habit. you can control your drinking except for the fact that you’re not controlling you’re drinking.

 what about food? what role does food play in your life? Is it for energy, or is it for emotional satisfaction? Many of us, including myself, use food as an emotional buffer. Did you have a crappy day? Was your solution to eat a tub of ice cream? For me, it is, or grab a bag of corn chips and a bowl of salsa.

There is a lot of ways we buffer from our thoughts. This is why we smoke more when we are driving. This is why we eat more when we are upset. This is why we turn to Television and video games. They distract us from what is actually holding us back.

If you are able to drop a habit for a month then sweet! Yet many times we have to try month after month till we actually get the master of our buffering. So this challenge is a goal that you are expected to fail at several times. 

The Struggle I mastered

As I mentioned we all struggle over something. Mine wasn’t alcohol or Pot. Mine was porn. And a couple of years ago I was hearing how porn was so addictive, and I was adamant that it’s not. Still don’t think that anything is actually addictive. It is just a means for you to be buffering from a thought and you have a hole in your community pillar. But that will be for next week’s discussion.

So I decided I was going to quit looking at porn for a month. I tried and tried and tried till 6 months later I did it. I went a whole month without going to any of the sites and removing the videos I had saved on my computer. 

The deleting of the videos I had saved on my computer was actually harder than I thought. I didn’t look at them but it did take a whole other 6 months for me to finally hit the delete button. I now have a firm grasp and I believe a mastery on my part. I haven’t looked at porn in almost a year.

What did I discover? That it is based on thoughts. It showed I would rather watch porn and get my rocks off by flogging the dolphin than have a relationship with my wife. To face the no from her and make it mean something to me is actually something I still struggle with. Yet it has given me the fuel to make my relationship with my wife stronger. Are we going to have weekly rolls in the hay like we did when we were 20? No, but that is OK because we are both getting better at other aspects of our lives.

How do you master a buffer?

The first point is to find out what is your buffer. If you pay attention to your thoughts you will have a good idea as to what you are buffering from. What do you do the most? What do you want to turn to when you are bored? Boredom is a big clue. In today’s society, we hate not getting the stream of stimulation that we get from our phones. So put all your electronics away and pay attention to what you want the most. Listen to your thoughts scream and throw a fit. If you find yourself turning to a beer or something of the such then you have a pretty good clue.

Then make a plan and execute

Decide that you are going to go a day, week or month without your buffer. Can you do it? Sweet! You have a better understanding of what controls you. So go up another level and see if you can go a week or month. If you are able to go a week then your next level is a month. Can you go a whole month without that buffer? 

If anywhere along the way you fail you sneak a drink then it is time to try again. Start from 0 and try fo the week or month. Keep trying till you have mastered that limitation. 

Pay attention to your thoughts

A big part that you want to look at while you are running this course is to watch what your thoughts are. Your brain will try to get you to go back to that habit. That is because of our motivational triad. It is easier for our mind to seek pleasure an be as efficient as possible than to try to learn something new about ourselves. 

You will eventually start to understand why you are using your buffer as a buffer because the thoughts will start to show up. You will see where you are playing the victim. You will see how you are talking in a self-defeating manner. You will see how you are beating yourself up over small things. These thoughts are good signs because you can then start cleaning those thoughts up and changing your life.

Your Turn

What are you wanting to improve? Why do you want to change? Is it because you see how it is holding you back or you just don’t see how other people are saying it is holding you back? Many times we are blind to our own limitations. Yet when we challenge ourselves to master just one part of our lives we start to see how our mind has been fooling us into believing we are just fine. 

From porn to alcohol and food. We love to buffer from perceived unpleasant thoughts. Those thoughts are then cloaked by our minds so that it doesn’t appear to be that bad. Till we find out that we are fired from our job and we don’t want ot face the fact that it is because our habit masters us and not the other way around. 

If you would like help you can always take the next step and sign up for coaching.