We often come across people who claim we are wrong, or that we have someone who is completely wrong and has no clue about the topic at hand. An instance where so many people who didn’t know what they were talking about are often seen as blowhards or complete fools.
Today it seems like everybody has to be right. Insistent on being right and even when you prove that they’re wrong. they find a reason to be right. I’m not pointing out one particular set of folks with this either. I find myself being very insistent that I am right.
What does being wrong say about you?
So many times we don’t want to be seen as wrong. This could be because we think it will be detrimental to our reputation, or that we will lose respect in our particular tribe. If we lose the respect in our tribe then who knows maybe we will be kicked out. We might be banished and exiled to the wilderness and then how are we gonna protect ourselves? This is the basis of all our fears.
We often want to make the thought of us being wrong as being a bad thing. It is a detriment to who we are in society. It is problematic because people turned us for answers and so we have to know the answers. We have to be right all the time.
These are all thought errors that we have when we are faced with the possibility of being wrong. We often want to make the thought of us being wrong as being a bad thing. It is a detriment to who we are in society. It is problematic because people turn to us for answers and so if we have to know the answers, we won’t be good leaders. We have to be right all the time. These are all thought errors that we have when we are faced with the possibility of being wrong.
What if you are wrong?
So what if you are wrong? Is that really a bad thing? Is it really that critical to you and your organization, that you have to be right 100% of the time? The answer is no. You don’t have to be right hundred percent time. You don’t even have to be right 50% of the time.
Yeah you feel good being right but being right isn’t always good. The times that you get it wrong is where the learning comes from. This is where your team gets to shine. They are able to actually contribute to the solution. You help your team by not knowing all the answers.
Ego is the enemy
Most of the time it is our egos that are fueling the arguments and disagreements online. This ego stops us from fully understanding the other side’s line of thinking.
Whether it is a Twitter user who’s always sliding into your discussion with their own perceived irrationally laid out thought or your aunt who’s got to correct you on seemingly everything. The ego is why people argue. They have to be right because if they are wrong, who knows what will happen?
It isn’t who they are that irritates you. It is what you believe about that person. The stories you have told yourself about that person are what is causing all the strife.
Use curiosity as a tool
So what would happen if you stopped and listen to what the other person said? How would you show up if the other person you are arguing with showed you the respect you believe you deserve? Know how to get that respect?
You get curious. you ask questions. Ask one question strictly to hear their full answer. Then ask another question pertaining to that answer. Just keep doing that, just ask questions. You don’t have to get a word in edgewise. You don’t have to give your side of the argument at all. You hardly even have to speak. Doing this and the respect you build with the other person grows.
How are you supposed to win the argument? Who said you lost? If you think you are going to be doing and recruiting for your side then think again. You aren’t going to convert a socialist to a capitalist overnight. You aren’t going to bring your soon-to-be ex-wife back into your arms simply because you stated some fact. Remember they have their own thoughts about the circumstance. So don’t even worry about perceived victories. You are just building understanding. As the 5 habits of an effective person say.
Seek furst to understand before being understood
Stephen Covey – 7 Habits of Highly Effective People
When you take the time to understand another person you build a rapport with them. When the other person feels they are understood by you they are more likely to listen to what you have to say. The defenses are down when you actually try to understand where the other person is coming from.
It doesn’t matter how many facts you have in your arsenal if the other person doesn’t hear them you are wrong.
