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EP 25 – How did you get there?

One of the biggest factors that will hold a person back is the story and thoughts of how they arrived in the current circumstance they find themselves in.

There are times that people may find themselves in a deep dark hole. When they look back on how they arrived there they want to point their fingers at anybody else other than the real person who is to blame.

Look at an addict. They blame others for the circumstance that they are in. Yet in all reality, they are the ones who made the choice to start taking the drug. They may have had a tragic event happen in their lives and they may blame an abusive parent. Yet when that addict left that environment the choices they made are what actually got them in the predicament they are in.

People who are poor often have the same problem. They blame companies for screwing them over. Yet if they were, to be honest, it is their spending habits that drain their bank account not an evil corporation that pays them very little.

Why do some people wind up in bad circumstances?

They wind up in bad circumstances because that is what they have deemed that circumstance to be? The events or circumstances in your life are all neutral. That is until you apply thought to that circumstance.

This is why two people can watch the very same movie and come out with two very different experiences. One person can love it and the other person can hate it. So when you have thought about your current circumstance, you can choose to make that circumstance a positive event or a negative event.

The Mindset

Many people who perceive their environment to be a bad event also see that it is someone else fault for them being in that event. The “Victim” may claim to hate that person because of what they did to them. They want to play the victim and give up all responsibilities to their actions.

If they are in an abusive relationship. According to the victim, it is someone else’s fault that they are there. Yet the person who wronged them may not have been in their life to the past 10 tears. However, the victim is giving up all their power to this person they claim to hate.

My question is if they detest that person as much as they claim, because of how much they have ruined their life then why would you give all of your power to that very person?

Now you are seeing the error in having a victim’s mindset. When you play the victim you relinquish responsibility for your actions. You can’t be blamed for staying in a crappy place if it isn’t your fault. But how can someone you haven’t seen in such a ling time actually control you? The answer is they can.

How to get out

If you want to get out of the current circumstance you are in, you have to change your mindset and own up to the fact that your choices put you in that hole. It may cause some major discomfort but the moment you own up to your responsibility you can start making the changes needed for you to climb out.

You can start thinking about different thoughts of your circumstance. Now I am not saying deny the emotions you have from those thoughts but you can change how you think of your environment. You don’t I hope you wouldn’t settle. In fact, you won’t settle if your thoughts about an environment change. A victim settles for the oh well this is my lot in life. While a person who takes responsibility and admits that they are in a hole will start looking for a way out. You can do the very same. Decide you are done with the circumstance you are in and start making changes.

The changes won’t be easy they will require you to grow and become stronger in your skills. With each new skill, you will be better equipped to handle the next step to get out and living the best life you deserve and desire.

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About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

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