What’s holding you back from making that big stride? You are wanting to take massive action and get started down your path yet you haven’t started yet. Why? Maybe you are wanting to start getting into shape and your head to the gym. You look into the weight room and you see all these guys pumping iron, and you freeze. You watch as a guy lifts a bar with more huge disks if iron than you have fingers. How can you go in there? Maybe there is a beginner’s room? There is no way you are good enough.
Maybe you are wanting to learn a new hobby like blacksmithing or woodworking. You see all those wonderful creations at the community woodshop. You think back to the last thing you build and it was just a simple birdhouse and it got condemned. You are not good enough to be in the same room with these craftsmen.
Have you ever felt like that? I know I have. I get that feeling every time I try to squeeze my truck into a parking spot each night. I hear myself say how much I hate backing a truck, I can’t back to save my life. I realize these are programing me for failure and work at removing them from my thinking process. Especially when I proceed to watch some guy hit a spot, perfect first try no pullups. How does he do that?
We all get hit with that imposter syndrome thought of I am not good enough. How can I ever bee good enough to be accepted by these people?
What is good enough?
Being good enough is a bar that we personally set in our minds. It is a mental you must be this high to enter this experience thought. Being good enough is all you. Nobody else has set that limit. If they did there would be a sign on the door.
What is enough?
Enough – as much or as many as required.
Who says what is enough? When it comes to experience or learning something new you are the only one who says that you have to have some type of prerequisite. Nobody else has that power nor ability. Even taking a college class you can sit in and learn about a topic and not have to have the other prerequisite classes.
Who has a say as to what is Enough?
Enough is in your own mind. We make these limits up so that we can ensure that we will be accepted in a group. Nobody likes to be ridiculed or mocked it doesn’t give us the serotonin hits we desire. So when we approach something new and unfamiliar we mentally start weighing out how well are we going to fit in. If we see that we could be good at something that could help the group then we see that barrier for entry being low.
If we don’t see how we can fit in our minds then we start setting the barriers getting raised with each subsequent thought. This is to protect us from being cast out of the village and forced to fend for ourselves. This is an old protection mechanism that now is a barrier that gives us better fortitude to try new and scary things. The key we have to push through that resistance. We have to learn how to cast that worry to the side because we aren’t going to be defenseless because a group doesn’t accept us. Most groups will actually accept you. They would love to have a new person in our group. To have someone they can pour their knowledge on and help you to have the same passion for their objective.
What are the causes of feeling Not Good Enough?
As anything dealing with feelings that emotion is caused by a thought. It isn’t created by anybody else just you. So when you are feeling like you are not good enough that emotion is because you had a thought as to why you are not good enough.
Oh, our arch-nemesis is back. Fear of being called out as an imposter, a fake, and the like is one of the biggest accusers of us not being good enough The Imposter Syndrome plagues everybody. From the newest newbie who is just trying to relax with Call of Duty to the most accomplished celebrity.
This fiend is sneaky and cant wait to trip you up. The ultimate battle against yourself. He wants you to just be comfortable and sit down watch television and relax. If you are relaxed you are safe. If you are safe you will stay live for another day.
Yet you don’t become better with comfort. You don’t grow watching Netflix. You don’t become the man your son needs if you don’t push yourself. The imposter is a liar and we often believe the excuses he makes in our minds. Yet he is defeatable, and you can beat this adversary.
It is a New Experience
We men have watched our sons go to kindergarten. Perhaps his first trip down a half-pipe we saw him struggle with that new experience. That feeling of fear of the unknown is the same sensation you have as you try out something new. Maybe you are warning to change jobs so that you can spend more time with your boy. You are venturing into unknown territory. You don’t know if Indians are hiding in plain sight.
Yet, fear is excitement without the breath, and it is definitely better to breathe. You have better experiences and you live long to boot!
Many times we don’t feel as if we are worthy of being apart of a large group this points back to the imposter syndrome mentioned earlier. Yet this lie is easy to untangle. How are you supposed to get the experience you need unless you have the experience?
When you have that experience you will start building that self-worth. Like money, you get self-worth when you invest in yourself. As you keep investing your value grows. You may only beagle to start with a dollar but soon you will start investing in other’s experiences. Therefore, you have to see and set the value in your mind before others will see that value in you.
The Comparison Game
You will never be as good as somebody who started before you did. This is true. Yet that guy started somewhere too, and it is a good chance that he started at the very same level you did.
We look at people who are further down the path and wish we were there instead of asking them how did you get to this point. Learning from what they did, and then applying those lessons. So Stop playing the Comparison Game.
Other Limiting beliefs
Then there is the problem with so many other limiting beliefs. Many people have a limiting belief that they cant change. Which if you know what a belief is then you know that is folly. A belief if a thought you perceive to be true. Doesn’t mean it is true but you have the perception that it is.
Some of the mindset and limiting beliefs are Having to have it perfect or know it all before you can do something. Another mindset that holds you back and causes you to think you aren’t good enough is the limiter of a scarcity mindset. You don’t even see your ability to learn because you don’t think you can or that it is just too hard. You could also suffer from a fixed mindset.
Why Not Being Good Enough is holding you back
The biggest reason is that it allows you to believe a very thin flimsy excuse for not even trying. You have already failed and you didn’t even step on the battlefield. Without even trying you have created a reason for you to not like yourself. Which decreases your self-worth. The more you fail to even try to more you start to create self-loathing.
You also start to block out all the chances you can learn because you don’t care to even entertain the thought that you are good enough. You can do all that you dream of doing but you have to accept that you are a beginner and you will make mistakes that are often embarrassing and often will cause you to get ribbed by those in your community.
You also deny yourself the pleasure of winning by not even trying. Telling yourself that you are not good enough will keep you from those huge wins that feel great. Why even experience the joys of winning if you have to be uncomfortable first? That makes a lot of sense right?
There are benefits to not being good enough
Yeah, that’s a mind-bender ain’t it! There are some great advantages to not being good enough. The biggest advantage is that you can think outside the box. When you don’t know what the “rules” are you can come up with some new and inventive ways of accomplishing your outcome. Many times experts get stuck because that is how they have always done it.
If Roger Bannister had been told that it was impossible to run the 4-minute mile he would have never made it. He broke the normal convention of how fast people can run. You are more open to experian=ment and find a fresh new solution. That’s because you don’t have to be good enough to be the best person.
You also find out that you a lot more resilient and capable than you originally thought. You see that you can handle a lot more discomfort than you originally perceived. That discomfort as a whole isn’t that bad.
How to change the feeling.
As mentioned before your feelings come from your thoughts. So it would be easy to say just change your thoughts. When in reality it is quite challenging to redirect your mental processes when your brain loves to be as efficient as possible. What that means is that just simply changing a thought after years of thinking you aren’t worthy or that you aren’t good enough will take some work. So the biggest piece of advice I could give is to be forgiving of yourself when you find out that you are falling back into old habits.
You can also look at what you are doing is learning. You are getting smarter and more experience with each failure you make. You will make rookie mistakes and if you take each experience and apply a little learning to it you will make a bunch of little steps to getting better.
Accept that you aren’t good enough, yet
Much like learning you aren’t good at something. You had to learn how to walk, how to talk, how to do basic math. If you understand that true you aren’t good enough, Yet. You will be if you do the one thing most other people will be afraid to do and that is even trying. You If you try you will have just one piece of the puzzle to become successful at whatever it is you are trying to do. You will gain even more puzzle pieces as you keep trying time and time again. You get even more bonus puzzle pieces if you can learn to relish those failures. Find a way to be comfortable with discomfort and you will be way ahead of anybody else who is starting with you.
Stop and look back
Do you ever take a hike? That is one step in front of another. Each step is only a few feet apart. Yet after an hour or so if you look back you may not even be able to see where you started from. You possibly have a few miles in the time you were hoofing it. That is with any time that you feel like you aren’t good enough and you are wanting to change that. From time to time stop and look at the progress you have made.
Stop trying to be the best.
If you want to be the best you have to keep trying to improve. So if you think you are worthy then you are more than likely willing to rest on your laurels. You also won’t have the imposter knocking on your door as much because you are acknowledging your shortcoming and so there is no fuel for him to trip you up.
Get a Coach or mentor
Having a person who can actively see limiting beliefs. Much like a sports coach can point out when you are pulling your elbow away, a life coach can help give you insights into why a particular thought is leading you off course. Life Coaches can help you short cut many of the hardest lessons and point out mental hangups ahead. If you are interested in having a coach, You can work with me.
Look to those in your group.
Having people who are on the same path as you can help you get stronger and hold you accountable for those goals and progress you are seeking. It helps if you talk to them they have the knowledge and it does them no good to keep it to themselves. Sometimes yeah they may hold on to it because the struggle is a better teacher. Yet they will be there to support you.
If you are looking for a group of men who will help you become the best men for your family then you can look at The Conclave of Men.
Yeah feeling like you are not good enough does suck but when you feel that fear creep up on your look to that fear as a compass. The stronger the fear is the bigger the reward is on the other side. So get out there and tackle your dreams, worry about being good enough later.