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Throw Off Your Chains of Comfort

Reading Time: 6 minutes

There are things that bind us. They hold us back from the greatness we want to achieve. I have talked about fear more than once. And this is a big chain that holds us in place so many times but there is another chain that we often will cling to. This chain can keep us stunted and even kill us in spirit. This chain is soft, fluffy, and inviting. It can almost seem like a warm hug, and you want them to slip the shackle on. This chain that binds you is called comfort.

What? Comfort is bad? Well like anything, too much of a good thing is not good for you. It is nice to have the comforts. I like my couch and television and Playstation 4. Yet I wouldn’t be able to get this coaching business up and running if I sat and watched 5 hours of Netflix and ate junk food all the time. Too many cigarettes will give you a bad cough. Too much coffee will give you the jitters and make you nervous.

via GIPHY

Yet comfort in particular has some pretty bad effects that don’t serve you or your goals in any way. That is what I hope to help you discover in this post.

Why Comfort Doesn’t Serve You

As I said Though it is nice to have a heated home and hot food to eat, and these comforts do serve you. Having a wife who nags you to be better is a good comfort to have. There are times that comfort doesn’t serve you. It doesn’t help you and in fact, we often turn to it when something uncomfortable happens around us. 

It holds you back

When it comes to facing something that is uncomfortable we often will put it off because why do something that doesn’t make us feel good? When we have this area that we would rather work in than go out and do the hard stuff this is what many call the comfort zone. What is your comfort zone? That depends on each person. One person may be very outgoing, while another person may be an introvert. 

Yet when we see something that we haven’t done before we often shy away from it. There is often fear and the thoughts of everything that could possibly go wrong with that new adventure.

When you are afraid of that new experience you want to play it small and you hold back.

Image by Jasmine Milton from Pixabay

Lack of Growth

Discomfort is a bit like sunshine for a plant. If you want to become better at anything you have to have that awkward learning phase with anything new. As you grow and you learn more about the new skill you are learning, you become more confident and sure of yourself. If you never took that step, to begin with, you would have never learned how to walk if you weren’t willing to land on your butt a few times.

When you learn to ride a bike you end up with a few scraps on your knees and elbows. Learning anything will have an uncomfortable start.

Now ThoughtCatalog had a point where they mentioned that your brain actually doesn’t differentiate familiar discomfort from real comfort. This is fascinating and helps me to understand why many times people who are poor or live in undesirable conditions have a hard time leaving those familiar situations. This explains why someone who is in a violent environment will often return to that environment because that is what they are used to. So if you are wanting to help someone they have to want to make the change.

You Lose Skills

When you are in a comfort zone you don’t grow and your skills actually atrophy. You may have been a whiz with computers but if you stop using them after a while you forget how to use them. You have to keep learning to keep your skills fresh. Yeah, you can pick them back up but you will have to go through that discomfort for a while.

It will actually make you sad

Many times the reason we want a change in our life is because we see something that is needing to be changed. Yet we start thinking of all the reasons why we don’t want to undertake this change. This lack of even attempting to make the change causes frustration, and aggravation.

Keep in this state for too long you end up feeling depressed because you are not feeding your soul with the experience of growing. Because you are denying yourself the opportunity to grow you are nowhere near as happy and confident as someone who goes out and proves to themselves each day that they are getting better.

Yeah, you are going to fail sometimes but if you look at that failure as a learning experience your mindset will stay more positive than someone who doesn’t try at all.

man walking on floor
Photo by Umberto Shaw on Pexels.com

It can Kill You

Yes, being too comfortable can kill you. Look at people who turn to food or drink because they have something they aren’t willing to face. They often turn to food because you get the satisfaction of the act of eating yet when you gorge yourself on the food you will feel miserable. Like the previous section where you actually feel bad because you aren’t willing to face something.

That act of overeating can and will make you fat. Yeah, ice cream is nice but half a gallon of ice cream each day will eventually kill you.

Why do we turn to these chains?

There are many different reasons that we look to these chains of comfort. We often do it as a means to avoid a hard task. Yeah, it is nice to have comfort as a reward but why are rewarding yourself for not doing anything to further your dreams?

Boredom

Many times as humans we turn to anything to keep from being bored. That may mean that we sit and watch youtube videos for 3 hours or we take a nap. When your brain is feeling bored it is that you are not cranking out the dopamine and serotonin that your brain wants.

So we turn to those videos or make a post that gets a few good likes. We seek out video games so that our minds turn from an inactive state to one that is receiving those chemicals that make us feel good

Yet one thing we don’t want to do is to turn to that thing that is uncomfortable. It’s not going to give us an instant bump of happy hormones but we may fail and struggle and be cold and wet. We may make a fool of ourselves. Who wants that type of misery? 

person sitting outdoors
Photo by Engin Akyurt on Pexels.com

The people who go out try something that is cold and miserable and learn something new about what they are able to do. That type of gratification is great. When you are starved of affirmation and you prove to yourself that you can be the source of your happiness you don’t worry about being bored. 

So maybe that is something you can do next time you feel bored. Ask yourself what you need to do to make your dream come true and start on that. If you get stuck and not sure what you want to do, then choose something. It is even better if you take the one you run the farthest from.

Fear

Oh fear, You make another appearance on this site. It is as if I am wanting to keep shining a light on all the harm you do to us humans. That is exactly what I am trying to do. 

We shy away from fear. Even though that fear is just in our heads. I recently did a clubhouse room. My fear was that someone would ask a question that I couldn’t answer, the result? Nobody showed up. Now you may say that was bad. No, it wasn’t. I learned a lesson. I need to pull others in next time. Bring in some other coaches and let them get some light too. I will be trying that again next Friday night. So if you want some free coaching and you have clubhouse , hit me up. The things we are afraid of rarely ever happen and if they do that is fine also. You will often learn the most from those experiences.

We Are Faced with Unpleasant Thoughts

We often have something that is from our past that will often creep up and give us some type of distress. It may be a time you were abused or when someone gave you some type of humiliation. When this happens we will often seek out some type of indulgent comfort and slap those manacles on with not a second thought.

This is where a bit of thought work is needed and you have to pay attention to the thoughts you are having. Come to understand why you keep turning back to the past each and every time. This is a huge discomfort yet if you face it you become way stronger for doing so. You see that that past is gone and you are a better stronger person for going through that horrible experience.

When it comes to discomfort we often run to it. That ends up being the three chain. We have a hard time stepping out of the comfort zone. We often there is fear that is the root of us clinging to these chains that bind us and keep is playing the small game. This is sad and leads to many people feeling trapped and also frustrated along with being afraid.

As you can see staying in comfort is the most assured way that you will wind up feeling discomfort. Yeah you don’t know what’s going to happen but I can guarantee that the fear you happen is 90% in your mind all those what if’s won’t ever happen.

If those failures happen that is fine too you can build from that mistake and it will grow back even better than if that oops didn’t happen. With a good friend and support network you won’t be going at it alone. If you don’t have a group of friends I know a group who would cheer every win and help patch every failure so you are the man you dreamt of, interested come check out the brotherhood of men.

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About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

1 Comment

  1. Wow Bryan, I never thought of comfort being part of boredom. What can one do to overcome boredom? My eldest son was always bored. He may still be in his early 30’s. I always wondered how to overcome boredom or help others to overcome it. I introduced many new activities but none ever stuck.

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