Now I know that recently I talked about the need for alone time, and yes that is important when it comes to man time and yes intentional alone time. We will sort of recover that territory again but there is more to man time I wanted to talk about. Why is it important for the different types of man time to happen?
The overarching answer is that it is good for our overall health. It is good for us men to have time away from the ordinary so that we can reset our minds to the grind. Just as that old movie quote “all work and no play make Jack a dull boy. That does mean that yeah we need time away from our wives and kids just as much as our wives need time away from us and the kids so they can have women’s time.
Often we see time off for ourselves as an unneeded waste of time, and that is simply not true. Is it a waste of time to put your mask on first? No, it is important, needed, and if you want to be the best dad, husband, and friend you have to put yourself first. If you want to be successful, this needs to be done. It is good to goof off and take time to yourself to reset the mind and be distracted from all the toiling you do on your average day-to-day grind.
Men need to have variety. Now that doesn’t mean other women that means that we need projects to work on that are things we can be in charge of. There are projects that we can direct. Some projects allow men to reconnect with old friends. We need opportunities for us to build bonds with other men who we work with. Enjoy special time with our wives or girlfriends where we can show them how special they are in our lives. This time is also where we have better bonds with our children so that they turn to us when they are posed with life’s challenges.
Man Time with Friends
Yes, we indeed struggle with having enough friends to turn to. Our 3 am friend list is pretty short. This is often because we don’t spend time with our friends. Those who knew us before we were married and had younger versions of us calling us dad.
When we get married we often turn to our wives and look to her for all of our support. This is not fair to her. She isn’t a guy she can’t provide the masculine support we need. Yes, she is perfect for the feminine support but not the masculine support of a good solid band of brothers.
So you need those times where you are out in nature where you can sit around a campfire and eat the flesh of an animal. Times where we can have a can of beans and just laugh at the stupid smelly noises we make.
This doesn’t mean we guys have to have a deeply emotional conversation with each other. It is often just the act of being close to men you trust, that can help you reset. You may just need to go help an old friend who is moving. You may not say more than 20 sentences to each other but the very act that we are working on a project and both contributing are what our spirit needs to breathe and connect.
There are also a lot of health benefits to men being with other men from time to time. Not only do we get to laugh and cut loose but we also get the benefit of lowering our blood pressure. Being around other masculine energy also gives us a chance to live longer and decrease our chances of depression. So yeah your friends are going to push you and tweak your comfort levels all because they want you to live life to the fullest and have the greatest time at it.
Man Time with Co-Workers
Yeah, some guys are probably rolling their eyes at this post and saying there is no one I want to go spend less time with after work than the clowns I work with. If that is your mindset, start working on changing that. There are lots of guys at work with the very same attitude. They think that all the other guys there are asshats and they can’t stand you.
Yet if you were to take the time and get to know them to get past the I hate working here bravado and get to know the other guys. You may just find out that you have a few things in common with them. You may find that Andy over in accounting likes anime. Maybe, Chuck in shipping is an avid camper and wishes he could find someone who likes to camp.
There is an opportunity here for you to become closer with those other men. These men allow you to grow your network and you might just find someone for your 3 AM list.
Yeah, many of these people are not who you would invite to a get-together at your house. Yet if you find some guys who you think you might like to get to know better why not take them out for lunch or after-work drinks. See what these men are like when they don’t have the boss breathing down their neck. You may have the opportunity to mentor them if they are younger or you may see that they are not someone you want in your inner circle. Either way, you can come to understand these other men who are in your life and grow to appreciate their efforts.
Man Time with Wife
There is one person that you spend more time with. Many times that relationship has its tides that ebb and flow depending on what you and the other person are doing in their life. There are times that there’s passion and intense interest in each other. Then there are times that you have a roommate that you have sex with at random times. This other person is your Spouse your wife, in my case, she is my Sweetpea.
We need to have time with our wife. The reasons range from having the needed connection and security for us to open up to help us to understand what is going on in the world. Your wife is a confidant and the other half of your superpower.
You need to have time set aside so that you can talk and connect with your wife. This is time for you to be present and listen to what is happening in her world. It gives you a chance to understand her and what is happening in her life so that she can connect with you. This is a time for her to connect with more.
We men connect more by being with others while women connect more through communication. So on date night you can listen to her days and ask the needed questions you can go deeper into your connection with her.
When a woman feels a deeper connection with her man she is more willing to have sex with you which just one of the great reasons to have time with your wife. The other reasons vary from her being able to build more respect for you to all the benefits from being married.
Man Time with Kids
This is another time that your presence is a benefit to those you are with yet it also provides you some incredible benefits too. Spending time with your kids does a lot for them and their development.
Roughhousing with toddlers and young kids is one of the best ways dads bond with their kids. It teaches kids restraint and gives them the physical interactions they are craving from the masculine side of their parents. Dad also teaches kids discipline and why finishing work is one of the greatest rewards you can give yourself.
Kids with dad’s presence in their life also increase the telomere length in their children which helps them live longer lives. Fathers who spend time with their kids also decrease the chances of their kids from suffering depression and heightened anxiety.
So if you want well-balanced kids that are generally happier and more sociable then spend time with your children.
Man Time with Self
As I have talked about before we need time with ourselves. Be it a walk around the block or going out to do some fishing. Men benefit from a little me time. It doesn’t have to be out in the woods either. We can have the perks of slowing down by enjoying a hobby where we are working with our hands.
This allows our minds to downshift and focus on something that feeds our soul. We need time to take it easy and not be rushing to the next meeting or whatever the fire is at that moment. Men need to carve out time with themselves.
Man Time with Self-Improvement
Granted this can be lined up with the men alone time but that isn’t what I am specifically talking about here. This is where you spend some intentional time with other men who are on the same life journey as you. Be it a marriage improvement workshop or you have a men’s group that you attend on a weekly basis. You need a place where you can work on yourself. Maybe it is time that you read a nonfiction book or get coaching from someone. This time is also important for you.
As a man, we need to stretch ourselves so that we can be better at what we are trying to accomplish. The way we do that is with the help of other men or by making a concerted effort to get better. We need this time whether it is with others or by ourselves to improve and learn so that we can be the leaders our family friends and community need from us.
So start looking at your schedule and see how much time you are spending for your benefit. Is it just for the boss or the wife? Then start finding time to spend with your friends, family wife, and your kids. Don’t forget about yourself, because you have to put your mask on before you can put on other people’s masks.