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Finding Your Fortress of Solitude

Reading Time: 6 minutes

We are busy, and as men, we have a lot on our plate. There is the need to provide for our family, or need to help a buddy out, we have our little side gig that we are pushing. Then you have your kids who need your attention. Your wife is needing help in her garden, Your mom is needing help at her house. Your boss needs you to work a couple of weekends to finish a project. We have that conference that we have been wanting to attend, and on and on. We are busy people.

How many times does it feel like you are pulled more ways than you can be pulled? I bet it’s pretty often. The pressure of everybody’s demands can cause more and more pressure and stress on your life. 

Now you can do different things to mitigate your stress. You can work on your boundaries. You can talk to your band of brothers. Yet there is one thing that men naturally will migrate to. Even superman had to go off from time to time to be alone and learn. That is your fortress of solitude. Men naturally need time for themselves. Though there are women who don’t understand why men need time to themselves and this is not bro time. This is time away from everything. Why is it good to set up time away and be just by yourself? Well, it isn’t men going their own way. It is so that we can get better

Difference between Being alone and loneliness.

Now I do want to say that there is a huge difference between men going off to be alone and men feeling lonely. Men who are feeling lonely, benefit from being around other people. Yeah, they may still be lacking the connection they are needing but the only way they can get that connection is to be around other people who are experiencing what they are going through. Finding a men’s group is great for men who are feeling lonely. While men who just need to be alone for a time benefit from being on their own.

Why is solitude needed for men?

There are many reasons why men seek and need to have time to themselves. Now the psychological reason why men’s time to themselves is scattered at best. Yet we men do need time to ourselves from time to time. It may be 15 minutes before we walk in the door. It may be 30 days out in a cabin. The reasons are varied but they all serve a purpose. They help us to process our thoughts. 

man with arms outstretched admiring view from mountain cliff in solitude
Photo by ROMAN ODINTSOV on Pexels.com

Men, as you know, often don’t share emotions as freely as our more feminine counterparts. We like to process our emotions a little later often when we are off by ourselves. Once we get the emotions sorted we can go out and start talking about them. Whether this is healthy or not can be debated, but as long as it isn’t because you feel disconnected from those who love you there is no real harm.

Maybe we have to figure out what our next move is for our business. Then again it could be that you were handed a life-changing blow and you don’t know what to do with that information. You may ask a friend or go on a Facebook group to get some hints as to what needs to be done. After gathering that information we will go off and 

Solitude allows you to focus

That time alone allows you to set the phones down, and step away from the computer. We don’t have a minor fire to put out. We can look into ourselves and focus on what is at hand. When we don’t have the kids on our shoulders wanting a horse ride or the wife asking for assistance. We can focus on what we feel is important.  

pensive young guy in solitude enjoying mountain view from wooden terrace
Photo by Vanessa Garcia on Pexels.com

It offers deep thought

We can be seen as the grunting neanderthal at times. Yet men are thinkers. Men may be simple in their own complex ways and that means that they need time to ourselves to do some deep thinking. There is a need to take time to make those plans and strategize how we are going to get from place a to place b. We like to be able to look at the problem at hand from every possible facet.

So going and giving yourself some time to think things through is good. Because that deep thought work can help you stay balanced and provide the ability to prioritize your actions for the best effect. Yet don’t overdo it and use solitude as a means of procrastinating.

Stress Relief

Now women like to have self-care. That may mean going off on a girl’s trip or just going to the salon for a new coat of paint on their nails. Self-care helps to draw one’s attention away from the stresses of their life. It is a means of unwinding. 

The same goes for men. Seeking solitude is a form of self-care. It allows us to step out of the rigors of life and get a breath of fresh air. We don’t often do it with others yeah we may take a guy’s trip, but we can also do it in short little 30 minute walks by ourselves. Taking time for yourself lets you focus on yourself and what you deem to be important. So when you are stressed many times that is because you are needing to process some stuff and it will help if you get out on your own.

man in blue and brown plaid dress shirt touching his hair in stressed out manor
Photo by Nathan Cowley on Pexels.com

Allows for you to Reset

Much like relieving stress get off by yourself allows you to get yourself grounded and change your perspective. If you are fighting and stressed out it is hard to stay focused on what is important. If you step off by yourself for a short while and give yourself a 5 by 5. You will see how well, even a short break, can help you reset your mind and how you look at the problem you are facing.

assorted silver colored pocket watch lot selective focus photo
Photo by Giallo on Pexels.com

Develop yourself personally

When it comes to personal development seeking solitude is encouraged for a guy. When he is by himself a guy has to turn to nobody else but himself. He has to face those uncomfortable thoughts.

When you’re in solitude you learn more about yourself than you will be in a group of others. That is because the others can distract you from yourself. We, men, like to help others and find fixes for different problems so if there is someone else around we don’t have to worry about ourselves so much because we are busy with other people.

The Essential Man points out that solitude also causes you to face your thoughts. Many times we try to avoid the uncomfortable thoughts and the emotions that they bring up. When you are out for an extended amount of time by yourself you have to lean on your ability to sort out those rough thoughts of inadequacy and the beliefs of being an imposter. 

Seeking time with just yourself for these very points can serve you more than you want to believe.

cheerful young couple hugging while taking selfie on terrace in forest
Photo by Vanessa Garcia on Pexels.com

So we need to be Hermits?

Absolutely not. We are human and we need interactions with others. Yeah, a dog is a good companion but they will not tell you the hard truths that another human will say to us when we are out of line. It isn’t healthy for us to be off by ourselves all the time. Some folks may seek out the company of others more than those who prefer solitude, but even the most introverted person needs to have interactions with other human beings for their mental health.

This also isn’t a statement that men should be Going Their Own Way. Because the MGTOW movement is wrong also. That is nothing but men not even trying and playing the victim card. Men actually have a healthier longer life when they are married and an active member of society. Married men also have better mental health and a more positive mindset. So if you are thinking you need to just go live by yourself, don’t that is a cop-out and you are better than that.

Finding solitude

So if we need time to ourselves where do we go? There are places everywhere around you that you can get a little alone time. It depends on how much work you are wanting to get done. If there is a lot of work then you might want to plan a camping trip by yourself.

You can also find minutes of solace before you step in the door by just taking some time sitting in your car. You can step out for a 15-minute walk or 30-minute stroll. Many men even use the toilet as a means of finding solitude in their stench. The time and place are completely up to you and can do you good. If you feel like taking a long trip or a short jaunt the choice is completely up to you.

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About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

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