Who is the Male in thhe Relaxed male? A guys identity is important.

The Male Identity

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Men, what do you think of when you hear the word man? Some people may picture their dad. While others may conjure up their idol Tormund Giantsbane. Either way there as many ways to describe your quintessential man. Be it hairy or rugged, Often the thought of as a Cowboy or a battle-hardened Viking. Men are a part of this glorious world.

I could jump into the political pool and talk about how men as a whole are being attacked but why? It won’t fix any of the problems right now especially with this being a new blog. So I wanted to take the time to talk about what is a guy. This is angled towards the young men who are wondering the world trying to understand what exactly a guy is. What does it mean to be a man? Why at times it seems like you are going against the grain of the world. Are you doing the whole dude thing wrong?

We are Simple

img 0203 The Male IdentityNow first off I didn’t say simple-minded. I said we men are simple. I often joke that to make a man happy is show him some boobs and hand him a sandwich and we will for you. That is a bit of an oversimplification but not by much. We are creatures of simplicity. That is why, if you are a man, will often find yourself very content with the concept of hearing the wind blow over a field. Sitting at a campfire and watching the coals burn. We can do that without talking for hours. When we find something simple and ingenious you can often catch a guy marveling at the simplicity.

All this is actually normal for a guy. It’s not that we don’t like to work. In fact, a man who has a worthy cause will keep going even if he is in agonizing pain. Just look to our national heroes. As they are focused on whatever battle was at hand. The levels of heroics that are true but we look at as stuff of legends. A perfect example is W.V. Meadows He was shot in the eye by a Union soldier. Then 58 years later he coughs up that bullet. Only to turn around and become best friends with the very soldier who shot him. If he doesn’t fit the description of a real man I don’t know what does.

Our Stories are important

img 0204 The Male IdentityAs you can tell With Mr. Meadows, friends are important. W.V. Meadows became friends with Peter Knapp, The man who took his right eye, and they swapped stories of their service experience till they died. The ability to share stories with our friends and others is a bigger part of a man’s fabric of being. You often find men sitting together talking. Yeah, we gossip as much as the women do. For men though, the fellowship of sharing stories with each other is a trait that has been handed down from generation to generation. Some people fear that it is a lost art. Young men don’t share as many stories as the more seasoned men do. The reason is simple they don’t have as many stories. There is a lack of experience. It isn’t a dig on the young’uns. They learn the rite of storytelling as they get older. As long as there is a coffee shop you will have the old farmers, ranchers and other tradesman swapping stories and sharing news as they heard it.

The young men of today will slowly migrate over to the coffee shop and start out listening to the tales of yore. They will laugh at the fact that they just heard Farmer brown talk about that redhead he used to pursue 58 years ago. He might even talk about the time they had a tryst a couple years before she married the Baptist preacher. Men Love stories that are why your son wants you to read to him. Read as much as you can. Instill the love of stories. Those stories create a strong bond between men. That is how father and sons can be the best of friends.

Love to Laugh

5e8b55d9 8eb4 4ecb b2ff 85020e741b94 19624 00000bf56a368921 300x272 The Male IdentityLet’s go back to the coffee shop. First thing in the morning and often around 2 o’clock you will find a gathering of men. They will often average over 60 trips around the sun. They talk about the weather and wonder when they are going to get some more rain. There can be the occasional heated debate about local politics. More often than not you will hear laughter. Men laughing. Even at their age playing a prank on the grumpy one because he gets the most worked up. Yet they all will laugh at a joke whether it is off colored or not. Men want and need to laugh. It is a communal bond. That communicates volumes to a man. A simple chuckle tells a guy he is part of the group. It helps ground him in his community. The old a man gets the more he needs his friends of yesteryear and those friends will help him laugh.

Look around today you see that in reality, nothing has changed. You have young men doing things that older men would consider stupid. There was even a television show of a group of guys who were close friends because they laughed together. The source of their laughter was from them doing some really dumb stunts. Did I laugh at them? Oh yeah, hands down the guys at jackass would often leave me cringing and laughing at the same time. Often I would laugh with my son sitting right beside me. That is because laughter is a relational cement.

We are fixers

Ok, guys, how many times has your wife or girlfriend Comes to you with a problem and we automatically try to fix the issue. The best example is the “It’s not about the nail” video.

Ladies if you come to use guys with a problem we are going to do what comes naturally. We are going to fix the problem. This is one of the differences in our sexes that just isn’t that easy to change. We don’t understand why you would come to somebody with a problem if you don’t want that problem resolved. This is truly one of the great mysteries of women. That and why you have to go to the bathroom in a group.

Ladies if you come to use guys with a problem we are going to do what comes naturally. We are going to fix the problem. This is one of the differences in our sexes that just isn’t that easy to change. We don’t understand why you would come to somebody with a problem if you don’t want that problem resolved. This is truly one of the great mysteries of women. That and why you have to go to the bathroom in a group.

The Best solution for the “fix it” compulsion we men have is to tell us that you just want us to listen. We will do our best to keep our mouths shut. I can’t guarantee that we will not let some advice and suggestions slip from time to time.  WE are doing everything in our power to listen to the woman of our life. Just know that when you are done talking we will still produce a few easy 38 steps to fix the problem at hand.

We are all about family

Unlike what the media would like to tell you, men love being a part of a family. Often the birth of their child is the scariest and exhilarating event in a grown man’s life. Sadly, today you hear about how some guy is abusive in one horrible fashion or another. No matter what type of abuse be it Physical sexual or Psychological, abuse is horrible. Not to diminish the atrocity that is abuse. Yet, Look at how many men are actually in say just the USA. The millions that are currently married far outweighs the scumbags that don’t deserve the happiness and fulfillment that is being a family man.

You often see movies that portray men as self-centered jerks that would rather be in a bar than with their wife. This is the farthest thing from the truth. The truth that isn’t told is the number of men who race home at the end of the day to so they can be greeted by the 3-year-old squealing with joy that daddy is home. To be able to slide an arm around mom’s waist and lay a solid smack on her lips is the reward most men long for after going out and slaying their dragon for the day. The Ability to have the family dynamic is crucial to men. Look at the stats around and men live longer when they are married. Men are generally happier when they have the Al Bundy Syndrome (Married with Children).

Yes we like to be macho

We men by God, have lots of testosterone running through our bodies. So yes we like to bow out our chest in pride from time to time. We even enjoy being a caveman at select times, and believe it or not our wives actually like for us to be that strong Viking god. As we have fun in the bedroom or on the dining room table. The Times we can be Manly is our way saying WE are MAN! Men like to get in touch with the primitive side from time to time. And is often recommended that we do so at regular times. Whether that is fishing or hunting or just making a fire at a campsite. There are actually gender roles. Those roles are needed for men and women to feel complete. Don’t believe me? Look at the turmoil that is happening in our society.

There is a popular saying that makes its rounds on Facebook about once every year. The saying goes like this

A young man once asked an elderly man how he got to be so wise. The old man replied through experience. The young man quickly asked how I get experienced. By doing stupid shit was the old man’s response.

We as men are simple. Just as simple as that Old man’s response. We learn and grow but with every experience, it solidifies that we men are simple creatures. We want friends, and we like to laugh at particularly smelly farts. From the time we are small kids all the way up to the curmudgeon grumpy guy on the corner. We are fiercely protective of our family and will help a person in need. If you reduce us to our bare essence we are just a guy. Don’t feel bad about not knowing your purpose if you are a young adult. Even grown men who have been on this earth for 40+ years still struggle with who they are. As long as you know you are a man and you take pride in that you can’t go wrong.

About BryanG

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

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