fbpx

Why Marriages Fall Apart – EP 82

Reading Time: 5 minutes

Event:

Operation Tears Of the 22 Off the Hardball

This event is to help veterans to reset mentally SIgn up

Question of the week be Brotherhood of Men

Why is the divorce rate so high, especially in Western countries, if love marriages work?

Well, there are theories as to why. The number one resin though is the No-fault divorce. This was started in 1969 by one of the greatest presidents the US had. Now Reagan later said he regretted signing the bull when he was governor of California. He did this as a means to cut down the fabrication of wrongdoings being slung at each other trying to get a divorce.

Since then the divorce rate has skyrocketed. For a long time, men were the primary people who started divorces but as time has gone on, now women initiate around 80% of all divorces today.

Why? Well, that’s where the theories come into play. Most of the time it is because one person or another is having an affair but money issues also play a part. Yet with the affairs, the problem is that many men have stopped being men and now women are busy having to take up the slack. Men have been told they are to spill their emotional guts to their wife and that does nothing but add stress to their wife’s life. The overly emotional man causes the woman in the guy’s life to lose respect for him. All because he listened to society and stopped doing guy things out of fear that he was going to be seen as a toxic masculine guy.

Men have stopped doing several things that attracted the woman to him. These things are what turned her on to him. All because he was doing manly things and then after saying I do he started sharing way too much and ditching his friends for his wife.

What did these men stop doing?

There are several things men have stopped doing that caused their women to not respect them. These things are part of the 4 pillars of a relaxed male.

Man’s mind

Men stop learning they get a job and start working and they think that is it. Job accomplished! Nope, they are providing for their family that is important, but he stops learning and expanding his mind getting smarter. Most men stop reading after high school and read-only if it is required. They don’t learn for the sake of learning.

Man’s Body

They get a dad bod. Now a few extra pounds isn’t a deal-breaker but 50 pounds? That isn’t sexy to a woman. Now men don’t have to be chiseled, but I shape so that if they can protect their family if needed. You hear women claim that they like a soft chubby man. Yet those claims don’t ring true when you hear who they think is sexy. Bro-Thor wasn’t nearly as hunky as fit Thor. You could hear that from the women’s reaction when they saw Avengers End Game.

Men need to be in shape so that they are healthy enough to take care of their wives when they get old. A fat man will not live as long as a healthy man.

Mans Soul

Men have stopped perspiring their passions after they get married. Women love to see men who are driven to accomplish something. Now, this doesn’t mean that the men are to become workaholics. This means that they have work and a hobby or a side business or an activity that feeds their soul. Most men when they are dating have something like this. Then they drop it when they get married and start turning their full attention to their wives. The wives have other things to do too other than sit around and give their husbands all their attention.

Mans Community

this is the pillar that falls almost completely apart after marriage. First off any friends before marriage disappears. The wife and kids get 90% of the man’s attention. He can’t go camping because of his wife and the kids. He does go sit and talk with his band of brothers because of his wife and kids. It not that the wife and kids demand it all the time. It’s just we guys believe that is what we are supposed to do.

So we lose our friends and we don’t replace them with new ones. Before we know it 20 years have passed and we have 1–4 friends. And maybe only one of them is dependable enough that we could call them at 3 am with a problem. We don’t have normally get together with other masculine men so we can talk about our problems.

So what do we do? We tell our wives our problems. That’s because we have been told we are supposed to share our emotions with our wives. That is only partially the solution we are supposed to talk about with our wives but we share the positives with them and share the negative with our band of brothers. We take the negative from our lives we help them and we ask our close friends to help with the emotional weight it may have. Telling a wife all the financial problems you have doesn’t help her have confidence in you. It doesn’t help her to see you as the provider. You are extra emotional baggage that she has to deal with when you come in and start dumping all over her how crappy your boss is.

Women won’t respect you for that and a woman can’t love a man she can’t respect.

The other thing that will help a marriage last is to know how to fill your partner’s emotional tank. That is know how to talk and be present with them when they are talking. Learn to speak their love language. That will go a long way in keeping wondering eyes from going anywhere other than to you.

Main Topic

Men stop being who they are suppose to be

Victim mindset

  • No responsibility
  • Men act surprised

They let their wife’s emotional rank run empty

A marriage needs to have lots of communication for a person’s emotional tank to stay full. Now the problem is many times we are using the wrong language. In marriage, there are 5 different love languages that can be spoken in the same house. We are often speaking our love language and it’s getting lost in translation.

  • GIfts
  • Quality time
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch

They stop talking

Many times we stop talking we don’t sit and listen. We aren’t present while our wives are speaking. We are thinking of everything else that is going on and not what is happening right there at the moment. We miss so many nuances of what is being shared. In doing so we lose the opportunity to connect.

They stop being spontaneous

With life, you have to stop and smell the roses. Or as Robert Herrick said in his poem, “To the Virgins, to Make Much of Time”,


Robert Herrick

“Gather ye rosebuds while ye may,”

— Robert Herrick

We let time slip past us with kids and houses and just life in general. You may have financial problems but you can still exercise your creativity and be spontaneous.

They just drift

Drifting isn’t only an example of not paying attention to what you are doing, but also is about you not having a goal set to pursue. You not having a reason why you jump out of bed excited to take on the day is a huge example of drifting.

Their pillars have collapsed

  • Man’s mind
    • You stop learning
    • You aren’t reading
    • You would rather not listen to audiobooks or podcasts but music only
    • When you stop learning you start dying
  • Man’s body
    • They are out of shape
    • They are not the physique of when they met
    • They can’t protect their family when they are out of shape.
  • Man’s soul
    • What feeds your soul? That is the question if you don’t have a passion. Find something to create. Maybe it’s a blog or you take up painting, or woodworking, or even blacksmithing. You need to be creating something. From charitable work to a business. Have a purpose in your life.
  • Man’s Community
    • This is the huge one for us men these days. We don’t spend enough time with other masculine men. We don’t sit with other men eating and talking about our lives. A mastermind of like-minded men Is there for you to find balance in your life. They are there to take the negative so you don’t have to burden your woman with those negative events, and you can shower her with the positives.
14 Incredible Starts to Your MorningStart your day off on the best foot

About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

4 Self Coaching Tools for MenStart changing your mindset.

We have worry and concerns. Then pile on the anxiety and fear that you have made the wrong choice in our life. What are you supposed to do?

Maybe you have fear of money or the lack of money. Perhaps you want more out of life. You want to achieve goals you have always wanted to pursue. You may even realize that you are not where you want to be and your attitude is in a way that you don't even recognize yourself anymore. 

Here are 4 tools that will help you change your mindset and get you on the path you so rightfully need to be on.