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The Silent Contracts – EP 51

Reading Time: 2 minutes

The Question of the week Brought by Brotherhood of Men

 

Read Bryan Goodwin's answer to My daughter wants to become a writer when she gets older. What does she need to do to improve her chances of being published? on Quora

The Main Topic

This week we are talking about the silent contract or silent hit on those we say we love.

The Silent Contract

The silent contract is when we don’t do something to wait it out for the other person to get the hint and when the other person doesn’t take those hints it brings forth hurt feeling and frustration.

Maybe it is the trash is getting full. Do you wait for your spouse to notice it and take it out on their own or do you just take it out? Many of us just wait.

Maybe you are frustrated with your sex life and so you decide you just withhold your advances till she makes the first move. You being in a victim mindset don’t say anything about this to your wife. So does she notice that you are not trying to have sex with her anymore? Yep, she notices and wonders what she did wrong. Why are you so distant? This creates fear in your significant other and a breakdown of communication even more.

Maybe we get a new coat or hairstyle and we don’t say anything to see if the spouse notices. Only to end up disappointed because they don’t say anything.

What is the silent contract?

Sometimes called a silent hit. It is the test to see if somebody loves us or the test that we give to somebody else and don’t tell them that they are being tested. You are not doing a study you want to prove a point so you stack the odds against them and hope that they fail.

What does this do for the relationship?

Well, it hurts that relationship. It sets your loved one up for failure and then you swoop in and continue to beat them up more so that you can prove that you were right.

This erodes the trust between two people and when that trust is gone it is near impossible to get it back.

It also shows that there is no communication

When we don’t voice what our expectations are how are other people in your lives suppose to know? You have to talk to others in your life. Let them know what you expect and convey that reason in a way so that they are able to understand why it is important to you.

Communication is one of the biggest building blocks in a relationship. Humans are horrible mind readers and so if we don’t talk and say exactly what we mean and want, those we are with will not know what to do. Yeah, they may figure it out. But those little hints are often annoying and give a different message than what you think they mean.

We also set ourselves up to fail. We sometimes put a silent hit on ourselves. When we are going to do something or take on a challenge without a plan. This isn’t the exactly the same as our silent contracts

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About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

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