The Trouble When You ASSuME – EP 79

Reading Time: 3 minutes

Question of the Week by The Brotherhood of Men

I suffer from anxiety and depression. Not debilitating because I keep a job and social life. I’m 32 and have never left home. My parents are enablers and never pushed me out. What advice would you give someone like me?

By the way, you phrased the question I would say you already know the answer. You need to move out. You can function out in society. You have already stated that you have a job and a social life. So move out. That anxiety you feel is normal for everybody. My daughter actually came to me crying. All because I made a suggestion with her being 18, that she needs to start spreading her wings, and looking for a place she can move to.

She had the thought loop that I didn’t love her anymore because I was wanting her out of the house. That was the farthest from the case. She was telling herself the story that I was throwing her out into this big world unarmed and that the lions were going to eat her.

It is scary to move out on your own. You have all these new bills and responsibilities that you have to take on. Some are downright unpleasant, while other experiences give you a huge sense of accomplishment. The anxiety is from thoughts in your head. Your mind is just trying to protect you to your own detriment.

Take that anxiety you are feeling and turn it into exhilaration by taking the first step. Move out. Your first apartment is going to suck and it is going to be small and not have anything you really want to have in it. Yet many of your favorite memories of your youth will be in that small apartment.

That small apartment will also give you the incentive to find a way to create more value so that you get paid more so you can move to a larger apartment or even eventually a house. Don’t believe the Crap your mind is telling you. Your mind is trying to protect you from dying but again the only way you grow and become better is to face the discomfort.

Main Topic

You have probably heard the phrase when you assume you make an ASS out of U and ME. This practice we have of assuming one this has some roots in trying to protect us, yet these days they are rare that you will be hurt.

Now assumptions are not intuitions

you avoid responsibility for action

You are passing the buck

They are thoughts

It is us looking for a pattern

assumptions are not facts

It keeps us from connecting and getting to know people

Ask yourself some questions from Harley Therapy

  • What facts do I have to prove this thought is true?
  • What facts do I have to prove this thought isn’t true?
  • What is a more realistic, in-the-middle way of seeing this?
  • Is this really my own opinion, or did someone else teach it to me and I didn’t question it?
  • Is this even really what I think or want to think in the future?
  • What would life be like if the opposite of this assumption were true?
  • What if this assumption didn’t exist at all in my life – who would I then be?

Assumptions leading cause of Misjudgements

Common assumptions that are holding you back

  • That being wrong is a failure
  • It’s about you
  • You have to be available all the time
  • Busy and productive are the same thing
  • Your emotions are created by outside events
  • You can do it by yourself
  • You are a victim

These assumptions are all bad in their own ways.


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About Bryan Goodwin

I like being able to help people find their "why" and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.

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