Let’s step back a little. We have covered some about emotions but we really haven’t laid out what types of emotions we get to experience. Most men know what emotions are and practice one form or another of Stoicism. We often choose not to express the different emotions we experience.
This is often to the consternation of others who believe we should run around and express every emotion we experience. These folks want to know that people are reacting instead of being. Yet one small draw back to stoicism is that many times us guys use stoicism as a means to tuck an emotion away so we don’t have to feel that particular sensation.
This can cause men not to understand the emotions we experience. We lump all the different emotions into the basic categories. Much like we do colors. There is chartreuse, lime, olive, sage, and emerald. To some folks they know those colors are different shade of green. To many guys that is green dark to light green to bright green. We take emotions and we have happy, sad, or angry. Instead, we may be experiencing pride, grief, or jealousy.
What is an Emotion?
My favorite definition is by the one and only Brook Castillo. Who says an emotion is nothing more than a vibration that is created by a thought. It is cool to see that an emotion is not a big huge boogey man that is going to drag you off to the Tree of Woe.
Brook talks about emotions and sensations often people confuse the two. She explains the difference being the following. Emotions travel from the brain to the body. Sensations travel from the body to the brain. With that, a cut on the finger is a sensation. The feeling of foolishness from not getting your finger out of the way fast enough is an emotion.
Types of emotions
Like any person, I have noticed that there are different types of emotions. There two types of emotions. While you can also talk, about how useful those emotions can be. Yes emotions are good to experience. Yet There are positive emotions and there are Negative emotions Also, we also have to ask is the emotion useful or not?
So let’s start with Positive and Negative emotions. These most people know. When an emotion is positive and when an emotion is negative. Yet what does this really mean? Many people may say that a positive emotion lifts your spirits up. While a Negative brings you, down. That can be, on the most part, correct yet I view grief to be a positive emotion. Many people view grief as a negative because the person is sad.
The scale I use to weigh if an emotion is positive or negative is, does it attract or repel people? So much as the names suggest are you adding a positive balance of people to your life or are you developing a negative balance.
Love is the ultimate in emotions the more love you feel the more people can’t help but be drawn to you. Even your “Haters” can’t help but want to be in proximity to you because of the love you are expressing. Now many of these people who are not in tune with their emotions may not understand why they can’t help but be drawn to the person they supposedly can’t stand. Yet when they are in the same room as you, they saunter over and say hello.
Love – As I mentioned this emotions is the super magnet. You feel the best and you attract people to you when you feeling love. People often say you are glowing when you feel love.
Amazed – This emotion is one of discovery you are adding to your knowledge. You might be amazed at a new revelation about a friend or when you find out that, you can actually solve that bar puzzle.
Wonder – Going into anything with this emotion helps keep you open to the whole experience. Even as you learn about different emotions and you take on the challenge of learning about what you are experiencing. Approach it with a sense of wonder.
Ashamed – Now many people who have read Brene Browns books would think that the feeling of ashamed is a negative thing and that shame is entirely a bad thing. There are times that yes it is bad when it is unwarranted. When your mother has sent you on a guilt trip, that isn’t a good use of shame. Shame and the feeling of being ashamed are also healthy. Because that is your natural reaction to when you have done something that is wrong in your culture.
Bored – This one here may at first seem like it is a negative emotion but in reality it is good. Many guys stay busy as a means to avoid boredom and the emotions that are associated with it. Yet when you are bored, you have time to think and explore topics you have been avoiding. Therefore, when you are bored you can actually expand in your diversity. You are able to become a better person because you are experience the emotion boredom.
Comfortable – This emotion is a double-edged sword. First, it is good to be comfortable. Yet if you don’t experience discomfort, you don’t grow. Therefore, comfort helps you to know when you are in the right spot and when you are safe. Yet, if you want to expand, you have to venture out of your comfort zone. Even the discomfort is illness is good because your immune system is getting stronger.
Content – When you are content in life, you have found a balance that works for you. When you are content with an event, you are ok with it. So felling of contentment is a good thing.
Grieving – The loss of a loved one is painful because the emotional tie is ripped apart. The loss isn’t just through death but also when a relationship breaks apart. You grieve not only for the loss of a husband but you grieve during a divorce. This emotion is a powerful one that makes you stronger, resilient and caring.
Other emotions that I view to be positive are
As stated earlier these often drive people away. They often cause a detraction of connection as opposed to building communication. Negative emotions can often tear down chances for people to talk. Often negative emotions lead to shutting down opportunities for growth.
As you can see I didn’t’ put a definite on many of these emotions The reason is because these negative emotions can also at times be useful. Now many of these emotions can also be classified as useless. For example, Anger is a negative emotion it closes doors to communication but can be useful when you want to let people know that they have crossed a line. The problem is anger often leads to aggression and then the emotion turns to an action. Then bad things can and often do happen.
Anger – Often time’s anger is an emotion that most people see as a useless emotion. I know I did for a very long time. I saw no reason for anger and really still have a hard time seeing a good use of anger. Many people want to know when you are mad and my response is that disappointment often does a sufficient job.
Fear – Fear is one of those emotions that can make things go from bad to worse many of the worst atrocities in history have their roots in fear. Fear causes so much damage and keeps so many people from their dreams and lives they dream of.
Jealousy – This is another emotion that actually stems from fear. You think another man is talking to your woman. You have the fear that she will like him better and leave with him. When in reality if she did that, you would be better off but jealousy clouds our judgment.
Hate – This is the direct opposite of Love in so many ways. It is also an offshoot of fear. For instance, People who were known as caring people suddenly have no problem committing atrocities in moments of fear. Look at the book Ordinary men to see an excellent example of this.
Anxious – This is apparently the hip word for the 2010s and the millennial generation. Feeling anxious is a combination of different emotions. These folks are the feeling that something has to be done while also clashing with the feeling of fear. Anxiety used to be called stress and no matter how you cut it stress and anxiety cause physical problems along with the emotional distress.
Bitter – Jealousy often will manifest itself into bitterness if it isn’t resolved. Many people who have regrets will also have bitterness creep into their life. A bitter person is a lot like bitter food it really isn’t that pleasant to have in your life.
Embarrassed – Ever bounce off a door you thought was open? Yeah, I have, more than once to be honest. Being embarrassed can often cause people to shy away because when they are embarrassed their pride gets hurt.
Confused – Saying you are confused is a blocking emotion. It keeps you from addressing the problem at hand so confusion keeps you from reaching your greatest potential
Then there are these other emotions that can also be viewed as negative.
How Useful is this Emotion
There are two ways to tell if an emotion is useful or useless. Does the emotion create energy or does it drain energy from you.
A feeling of happiness always gets you jazzed and ready to take one anything ahead of you. While feeling blue leaves you drained and depression can almost leave you in a lethargic state.
This is why people, who feel determination and driven, often can tackle large projects. They have the energy created by that emotion. From this knowledge, you can then combine the usefulness and positivity of an emotion to help you decide how much you want to feel an emotion in your life.
You can’t get rid of emotions. You will feel useful negative emotions at times while at other times you may feel negative useless emotions. The key is to determine how long you want to experience them. Yes, you want to experience all the emotion, even when those emotions are unpleasant. You don’t want to dismiss an emotion. When you do that, that emotion doesn’t go away. It sits in the back of your mind a festers to the point that it can and often manifests itself in a completely different way. That kink in your neck could be from denying yourself the emotional experience of grieving.
When you experience an emotion feel it. Ponder it if it is uncomfortable that is alright allowing yourself to experience it still. You will find out that that emotion doesn’t last as long as you had feared and you feel stronger and more complete on the other side. So, when you feel an emotion apply what was said in the post about feelings. Know that that emotion is created by your thoughts. Your thoughts generate that vibration. Knowing that you will find out that the vibration only lasts a little while. Then you are able to grow from it. Growing allows you to be a better-balanced natural leader.
I like being able to help people find their “why” and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.