It’s all mind over matter. You have heard this before. I am sure you have. Did you ever think it was just a means of keeping your hand from being burned by a candle flame? All it was is a philosophical mumbo jumbo put out my swami’s in the Far East.
Yeah, I sense the skepticism you may have. That skepticism is good to a point. It means you have experienced life and you have been bitten by something. So you have the phrase, Once bitten, twice shy in your vocabulary.
You have been tricked, swindled, had bamboozled, or some other form of the sort. You look out for things that are too good to be true. There are times that the world is out to get you. Maybe you have even cried out in frustration, WHY ME?!
How many times have you said to yourself, alright dude, You have been given a chance. Now don’t screw this up.
Only to blow that once in a lifetime chance? I have I actually was able to get out of the truck for a whole month and a half. Only to wind up back in the very same truck. All because I blew it. How I screwed up isn’t important. I screwed up the opportunity. That is important to know.
What I did to screw it up is also important. I screwed my chance to be out of the truck by having the wrong mindset. I set myself up for failure because ultimately I had the wrong mindset.
Time and time again there are examples of people who had the wrong mindset about something. only to go back to where they were the most comfortable. Look at lottery winners. They have the wrong mindset about money and they do not feel they are truly worth that amount. So within a couple of years, they are broke and often in debt. How could they be in debt? They just won 250 million dollars?
Because they had the wrong mindset. Their self-worth is not of someone who has 250 million dollars but as someone who makes 30,000 dollars. They take all the same actions because of their mindset. Sad thing is that they don’t realize they are broke till the collectors start knocking on the door.
All of these are examples of having the wrong mindset. Yet I bet we also know someone who always seems to land on their feet. You know that one guy who just always seems to get lucky. Have you ever asked him what his outlook on life was?
How about those folks with their nomadic lifestyles. How are they able to travel all the time? That is a mindset. Mindsets affect many different parts of your life. If you were told you don’t have enough money growing up you might have a scarcity mindset. With that mindset, you lose money quickly, or you live paycheck to paycheck. You never think you have enough for what you need. When in truth you have enough money for everything you truly want.
There are several different types of Mindsets both good and bad. Yet the negative ones are what will trip you up every time. The biggest limiting mindset is one we all encounter from time to time. It is often called the Imposter syndrome.
The imposter syndrome is that feeling you get when you feel like you are a complete and total fraud. You may ask yourself, “Why do they want to read my blog post?” or I’m no expert. This mindset often keeps fledgling entrepreneurs from launching their idea. All because they do not feel like they are worthy. They are not that important. No one cares about what they think.
These folks couldn’t be further from the truth. I bet you have someone who comes to you for advice on a particular topic. I bet you have someone who called you their expert. Why is that? Easy, because you know more than they do in that field. So we are all experts in something. Even if you are just falling in love with a topic you are still an expert compared to someone who knows less than you.
While finding out a good definition of Imposter Syndrome I found out that there are actually 5 different types of imposter syndrome.
There is the Perfectionist. This is the person who is always talking about launching something. or they are about to open up something. They just need a little more information or they need to get this piece juuuuust right. They need a little more information. then they will launch their product or course or the item that has a part of their soul attached to it.
Then there is the Superman, these folks are often the workaholics. They push themselves as hard as possible because they do not think they measure up to the rest of their team. They often burn out in a huge blaze of glory because they are never quite there. They are always trying to cover up their shortcomings. They often take on these herculean tasks to ultimately prove to themselves that they are worthy of their position.
The Natural Genius
Have you ever excelled at something then tried something new? It’s not that easy right? Well, Natural Geniuses judge themselves on everything on their first try. Can they paint the Sistine Chapel? Well, more than likely not but a natural genius would give up and claim that they are a failure because they couldn’t paint that good. While if they were able to hit the 6 ball in the side pocket on their first try they would think they are good at pool.
Natural Geniuses often avoid learning new skills because they are not good at it right off the bat. They bristle at the thought of getting a mentor. They lack the ability to accept that they are learning. They fear that if they have to learn something people will see them as not being as good ad they think they are.
The Rugged Individual
This is one I fall under, many men fall under this category. Not because it contains the word rugged but because we don’t ask questions. The Individualist doesn’t ask out of fear of being seen as phony.
These are people who often don’t like to work in groups. Many introverts fall into this category too. It is emotionally draining to put up the facade that you don’t know something.
This is the classic imposter syndrome. They feel like they got in the position by tricking somebody. They are always worried that they are going to be found out and then summarily ostracised as a fake. They worry more about what people think than actually executing their zone of genius that actually put them in that position, to begin with.
What is the common denominator in all of these? The answer is fear. They fear rejection. You fear something uncomfortable happening. Your mind likes to be comfortable. So it works hard to ensure you are safe and keep you from stress. Not pain so much as stress.
If you watch and pay attention you will see that people will avoid doing something they don’t like to do. That procrastination is often because there is something uncomfortable in that event. That is til there is something that comes around that is more uncomfortable. Take a speeding ticket. Do you go and pay it off right off the bat? Most people that is a big negative. That threat of a bench warrant issued changes your whole attitude. The thought of being arrested is a bigger pain.
So most people fear the discomfort of failure. Yet they don’t realize if they tackle the discomfort they will get away from the pain. Much like building muscles. It is uncomfortable and you have muscle soreness. Then afterward, the pain is replaced with larger and stronger muscles.
How to correct a negative mindset?
I point to someone I have followed for quite a while.
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Life is more fun when you get over yourself.
In other words, we take ourselves too seriously. We sadly think that we matter more to people way more than we really do. We may be important to our immediate family but our loved ones know our shortcomings. Our spouse accepts the fact that we have a zit on our left butt cheek. While we obsess over what Ted in accounting thinks and in reality he couldn’t care less
To tackle the negative mindset there are different tactics but the best solution you can use right off the bat is speaking it out into the open. Give your self Affirmations. It doesn’t have to be daily like Stewart Smalley. Correct yourself out loud. Not rough, not demeaning. Yet, let the universe know you are changing your mindset.
If you catch yourself in a negative mindset. Say something along the lines as you know better than that. Correct yourself gently. You will have a harder time fixing the problem if you are always down on yourself. So give yourself an affirmation in a jovial manner. Using positive thoughts get you further in the process than if you are always down on yourself.Let your followers know how they can get a positive mindset.Click To Tweet
Remember there is a reason for the skepticism. That is because you were burned once. But you are smarter. You know can learn from your mistakes. If you want to really excel in your journey you can also get a mastermind group. There are plenty of masterminds out there. You can even set your own up if you have friends who understand the benefits of a mastermind group. The key is for them to all understand. If you want an Idea of what a mastermind is and how to create one you can read Karen Greenstreet. She offers a lot of good tips on getting started.
So in closing the big thing is to realize when you are in a limiting mindset to correct it by speaking it out loud. Stay as positive as possible. Walk around with a smile. Yeah, you may feel a bit odd at first but that is just negative feelings being burned off. And find something to be grateful for. Because even a crappy day has a win or two in it.
I like being able to help people find their “why” and achieve the personal freedom they desire. Besides writing for Relaxed Male I also am a life coach. By helping men find the leader that is found in each and every one of us. I do this by encouraging men to get outdoors and find the balance they are missing. Realize that they need to be in contact with the outside as often as they can. It is not only good for them but for their families and relationships.