The Relaxed Male Bryan Goodwin

With much of life, we can either float down the river of life or we can steer our life to where we want to go. The difference is that when we use intention we get closer to where we want to go sooner than if we just drift.
Lack of intention is where you hope you arrive at your desired destination. You are just going through life and often unintentional people come across as if they are asleep and don't put much thought into why they are doing what they are doing. They often will find these people blaming external events and not that they had any hand in creating the results they are facing. People who are going through life with emotional childhood are living life unintentionally. They see emotions as things that just happen and don't want to apply the fact that your thoughts create your emotions.
What is living with intention? Deciding how you are going respond behave approach any circumstance ahead of time.
But what if you don't know?
review your actions and make decisions
Why we don't live with intention? It's scary
We are responsible
Where do you start? Start by making a decisions
Then plan out how you are going to reach those results
Take action
Take the Next Step Get coaching for 95% off

Summary The episode is about the power of intention and living life intentionally rather than just drifting through life without direction or purpose. The main points covered are:
What happens when we lack intention in life - We end up like a boat without a rudder, just floating aimlessly and likely crashing into things or running aground. Many people live this unintentional life, making decisions without much thought, and ending up broke or unhappy. Benefits of intentional living - When we live with intention, consciously deciding how we want to live and behave, we can steer our lives in the direction we want rather than being at the mercy of circumstances. Examples of intentionality are deciding ahead of time how you want to be as a parent, how to react when your teenager scratches the car, and choosing a career path thoughtfully rather than defaulting to something. Challenges of intentionality - It requires taking responsibility for our choices and actions. Many avoid this because it's easier to just drift than make hard decisions. How to live intentionally - Examine your life, decide how you want to live, set goals aligned with that vision, and take active steps every day towards those goals. Course-correct when you fail to live up to your intentions. The alternative of unintentional living - Living reactively, spending frivolously, blaming others/systems for your circumstances. Ending up broke, unhappy or crashing against the metaphorical shore. ( 00:00 ) Introduction to The Relaxed Male 
( 02:18) The Power of Intention 
( 00:02:53 ) Understanding Intentionality in Life 
( 00:06:37 ) The Impact of Intention on Life's Path 
( 00:07:43 ) Being Intentional as a Parent 
( 00:09:40 ) Consequences of Unintentional Actions 
( 00:14:31 ) Overcoming Fear of Intentionality 
( 00:16:59 ) Making Decisions for Intentional Living

In relationships, we often will slide into a form of comfort routine that is called the Roommate Syndrome

The Roommate Syndrome Where sparks go to smolder.
Why does this happen?
past disagreements

It is easier

Rejection free

 

How to rekindle the spark
Know what the roommate syndrome is about.

Start with the end in mind

Much like the word rekindle you have to use kindling Kindling is a small flammable material that you can use to grow an ember into a bonfire.

It starts with the small stuff

Rediscover the silly you
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Summary
Here is a detailed summary of the key points from this podcast episode:

The episode discusses the "roommate syndrome" that can happen in marriages, where the spark and passion fades over time. The host, Brian, explains that this happens because of our unintentional thoughts and mindsets over the course of a long-term relationship.

He notes that as couples get older, their sexual frequency and intensity naturally declines compared to when they were younger. This can lead to feelings of disconnection and the "roommate syndrome" setting in, where the relationship feels more like living with a roommate than an intimate partner.

The host explains that this happens for a few key reasons:

Women tend to be more mentally/emotionally oriented when it comes to sex, needing more foreplay and mental preparation, compared to men who are more physically/visually driven. As life demands increase for women, sex can become lower on the priority list.   Couples stop making the effort to reconnect and be playful/adventurous like they did when dating. Avoiding difficult conversations about the lack of intimacy also contributes to the problem.   Men become afraid of rejection when consistently turned down for sex, so they stop initiating and turn to less fulfilling outlets like porn.
The host emphasizes the importance of open communication between partners to find solutions. This may involve compromises, exploring new ways of being intimate, and rediscovering the playfulness the couple had early in the relationship. He encourages men to focus on becoming the best version of themselves, which can reignite their wife's interest.

Overall, the episode highlights how the "roommate syndrome" is a common issue, but one that can be overcome through intentional effort, communication, and rediscovering the fun and silliness that used to characterize the relationship.

What does the world look like when you are curious

Why it is good to get curious
You see more out there

You see what is possible

Better at problem-solving

You are more relatable

More creative

More Fulfilment

Strengthens relationships
Applying those to your relationships

You understand your spouse or friend more

You learn and discover more

Curiosity helps you to connect even more

it deepens the intimacy with your spouse

Want to learn how to have more curiosity in your relationships then take the Next step?

 



 





Summary
The main topic of this podcast episode is the importance of being curious in life, relationships, and personal growth. The host, Bryan, explains that having a curious mindset allows you to find more joy, happiness, and fulfillment.

He discusses how when we are young, we are naturally very curious about the world around us. As we get older, that innate curiosity tends to fade as we settle into routines and stop questioning things as much. However, maintaining a sense of curiosity is vital for several reasons:

Curiosity opens up new possibilities and helps spark creativity to solve problems in innovative ways, especially for entrepreneurs.   Being curious makes you a better problem solver in all areas of life rather than just accepting "That's how we've always done it."   Curiosity makes you more relatable and eager to learn from others. It shows you don't know everything.   A curious mindset is a growth-oriented abundant mindset, whereas a lack of curiosity leads to a scarcity mindset of just holding on to what you have.
The episode emphasizes how curiosity can greatly strengthen relationships, especially with your spouse/partner. Asking questions, being interested in her perspective/hobbies, and striving to understand why she does things a certain way builds intimacy and makes her feel heard and understood.

Practical tips are given like the "5 whys" approach to get to the root of someone's motivations by repeatedly asking "Why?" Curiosity about your partner's world helps create deeper connections. Even asking about topics you don't care about can make the other person feel you're a great conversationalist.

Overall, the host advises making a conscious effort to embrace curiosity by asking more questions, being open to learning, and examining the details of the world around you. This curiosity will lead to more fulfillment, stronger bonds, creative problem-solving, and personal growth.

00:00:00 The Power of Curiosity
00:01:47 Embracing Curiosity in Life
00:05:30 Challenging the Status Quo
00:07:28 Embracing Growth Through Curiosity
00:11:10 Curiosity vs. Scarcity Mindset
00:11:25 Strengthening Relationships Through Curiosity
00:11:46 Unveiling Relationship Dynamics with Curiosity
00:17:59 Building Strong Connections Through Curiosity

After many years couples often find themselves in a strange predicament. The Sex and closeness fall off and people just sort of exist in the same house. There are lots of thoughts and interpretations of this. The decrease in intimacy has been a problem in marriage since marriages were implemented. Many today believe that the reason for the decrease in intimacy is the institution of marriage. That the very act of committing yourself to another person is why the fire dies down. It can be (See Roommate Syndrome) but it isn't the reason.
Why do intimacy challenges come up? We are human and we can't do anything without some type of emotion mixed in. We are just emotional beings. We are also creatures of habit. We do not want to rock the boat too much out of fear that we will be scorned in some way. We don't want to be kicked out of our village and lose all that we have worked so hard to gather. So why do we fall into roommate syndrome?
Routine The big reason is we find a routine that works for us. The wife likes her shows and you like yours so you go and watch TV in separate rooms. Instead of going out for a walk or doing something different.
Don't want to stir up emotions Doing something new can cause people to feel different emotions.
Nice guy syndrome Sorry nice guys but you strike again. Trying to control as much as you do causes people to not venture out into the fun areas of life. So we become bored.
A relationship can't survive without sex? Funny how this is often the go-to for why we need sex in our lives. Yet that isn't fully the case. yeah, it would be nice to get boned on a regular basis, but men often have a higher sex drive than women. So we often want to have sex far more often than our spouse would like to have it. So what do you do? That is why you are here.
Roommate Syndrome Roommate syndromes are when you have hit a plateau. You have found yourself and your spouse in a rut and this is a good place to be because it means it is time for you to grow.
You have a choice Now it may seem as if we are struggling against an impossible wall but that is where our suffering is coming from our thoughts of the matter. We always have a choice. We can change and grow and become the people that lead our spouses out of mediocrity or we can let the marriage wither or we can just stay the same and hope that one of the people in the relationship doesn't venture out for some adventure with someone else.
Stay and find out how to grow The one choice I feel most people want is to stay with their spouse and find out how to become the partner their spouse needs in their life.
How to increase intimacy There are many different ways we can increase intimacy. We first need to know what type of intimacy we are growing. Any intimacy is one thing but it does help to know what type you are aiming for. According to All Points North, there are 5 types of intimacy we want in our relationships.
Emotional intimacy This is, how much emotional connection are you and your spouse willing to have? How willing are you to open up to your spouse about emotions? There are some thoughts as to how deep you need this to be for a good connection with your wife.
Spiritual Intimacy How are you and your spouse sharing yall's religion? Many people like to say they are "spiritual" and that's fine but what is your belief and is your belief compatible with your spouse?
Intellectual Intimacy How much curiosity is there about each other?
Social Intimacy How much do you share in each other's interests?
Physical intimacy This is what we men want most. but to get this you often need to do some other things to get here.
They want to feel emotionally safe and secure They want to feel trusted They have to trust their partner. Women are mental beings so their engines are started by you waving your ding-a-ling around. This is why women can't stand dick pics. Men, we love our penises but women don't. Start dating your girl again Time to go back into t

Men struggle with strong meaningful connections. Many even struggle with just having a relationship. So many men today don't have close relationships or their relationships are just surface-level connections that don't fulfill the purpose of a relationship.
We men need relationships and yet we forsake our own needs for a plethora of reasons. So why do we need to have good strong relationships? Why can't we just hermitize ourselves and just be done with it?
Benefits of a good relationship Why are relationships needed? What makes the messy emotional events of having relationships with both men and women good for us?
Live longer This is mainly for married men but when a man has friends who force him to get out of the house and go do things. These men live longer and more fulfilled because they have a relationship with both men and women.
Men who are isolated have stronger suicide tendencies Sadly many men do end their lives because they have isolated themselves. In fact a guy who starts to isolate needs strong relationships more than ever.
Happier Why do men actually long for relationships.
Relationships with women It helps them see life as an adventure
Three desires of a man He wants a battle to fight. He dreams of adventure. He longs for a beauty to rescue We love to care
We Love to be cared for
We do like the input from women
Men seek specifics in their relationships and often don't find them
Praise and approval Respect Connection Space Security Physical Touch Relationships with other men A means to be pushed to be better
others to learn from
A refill of their masculine energy
Men need to have a connection with those around them
Why do men not have as many friends as they could have? Many men don't have close friends at all
Sadly many men have stopped trying or using the internet as a cheap knockoff connection
They lost their girl's challenge.
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Summary Introduction
Bryan Goodwin hosts The Relaxed Male podcast, aimed at helping men remove the "nice guy" mindset and live life on their own terms.
This episode (#221) focuses on the importance of relationships for men.
Why Relationships are Important for Men
Men struggle with relationships - romantic partners, family, friends, coworkers etc. Some men avoid relationships altogether through movements like "men going their own way."
However, strong relationships provide several key benefits for men:
Longevity
Married men tend to live longer than single men, especially if the marriage is a strong, connected one.
When a wife passes away, the widowed husband often dies soon after of "a broken heart."
Lower Suicide Risk
Men with solid relationships have lower tendencies towards suicide compared to isolated men.
Friends will notice if a man starts withdrawing and pull him back out.
Happiness
Overall, married men report being happier than single men.
Having masculine friendships pushes men to get out, try new activities and adventures they wouldn't alone.
Benefits Men Seek in Relationships
Words of affirmation/praise
Respect
Connection/security
Physical touch (both platonic and romantic)
Men are often the "romantics" craving spice from their wives
Importance of Male Friendships
Allow men to be their full, uninhibited selves
Provide positive masculine energy that balances feminine energy from romantic partners
Men learn from each other and push each other to grow
Having a tight community of male friends is crucial
Challenges to Building/Maintaining Friendships
Many men lack close friendships - estimates of 15% having no close friends
Online friendships are not a full substitute for in-person connection
Romantic partners sometimes pressure men to drop male friends
Men must be willing to stand up to this "test" from partners to keep respected friendships
Bryan's Plug for Coaching Services
For men wanting to improve their relationships (romantic or platonic)
3-month coaching package to change perspecti

Why do we get participation trophies?
Easy bump of Satisfaction
Empty victory
How are you giving yourself participation trophies?
Staying busy for the sake of busy or are you actually taking steps to go forward?
Finding other things to do than what needs to be done.
Buffering
Example watching porn is you taking the participation prixe instead of actually building the connection withyour wife so that you have that much wanted intamacy.
How are you taking the participation trophies of life? How are you going to stop? let me know in the comments section below.
Want to start reaching for the real trophies in life? To do so take the next step
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Summary The episode argues that many people, especially men, settle for metaphorical "participation trophies" in their relationships instead of putting in the hard work required for a truly fulfilling relationship. Just like kids getting participation trophies in sports for merely showing up, adults give themselves participation trophies in relationships by engaging in avoidance behaviors and buffering techniques like drinking, watching porn, playing video games, etc. instead of doing the emotional labor to build intimacy.
The host says these participation trophies in relationships provide an "empty victory" and hollow satisfaction, preventing true growth. For example, watching porn is the participation trophy instead of putting in effort to foster emotional and sexual intimacy with one's partner. Drinking after a hard day is the participation trophy instead of having a real discussion about issues with a spouse.
The host urges men to stop settling for these relationship participation trophies. Instead, put in the work like pursuing personal growth, having vulnerable conversations, doing activities to nurture the relationship, etc. - which leads to the true "win" of a rich, fulfilling partnership. Giving up the participation trophy mindset and buffering behaviors is hard, but necessary to achieve relationship success beyond just going through the motions.
00:00:00 The Impact of Participation Trophies
00:11:31 Striving for Success Beyond Participation Trophies
00:16:27 Taking Action to Remove Participation Trophies